Thread: Cold calls!

aus.. the routine is yours for a modest franchise fee of 5% plus 2% per annum for 'upgrades' and a 10% territorial exclusive addendum...

or you can just rip me off and have fun with it.

Advise them that their call will be called for quailty assurance and training purposes then proceed to sing ding dong the witch is dead until they clear the line. This worked for me when the Sky TV people harrassed me.

Keep in mind TPS & MPS can take up to 3 months to fully kick in. Some marketing companies only update their call lists every three months.

But it does work, not 100% but very good.

And just mentioning TPS to callers gets a prompt click of the phone at the other end



Also, you can use it at work, if your a small company, then TPS/MPS can be registered, as well as FPS (fax PS), this stops those annoying spam faxes.

"Oliver is under the table, licking his crotch"

HA!

The memsahb engages them in converstion about the weather kids what they had for lunch etc, it does there heads in and she can keep them on the phone for up to an hour.

Tell them you're doing a survey on 'cold calling' and would they mind if you conduct an interview with them. Say it will only involve approximately 30 minutes of their time and they don't have to answer any of the personal questions if they don't want to. If they persist and agree to your interview, start off by asking them if they ever suffer personal abuse and/or people slamming the phone down on them. Ask what was the worst thing anyone ever said before slamming the phone down. If they get so far as to give you an answer, repeat it back to them and slam the phone down!

or

Be as awkward and obtuse as possible. Sound interested in their suggestions, but return every question with another question, which is as 'impossible' as you can imagine. Thus, if they ask if you want double-glazing reply with, "Ah yes. I've been meaning to install that. The only slight problem is that I have circular windows approx 8' in diameter. Can you quote for that?"
If they ask if you want their energy (gas/electricity etc), reply with something like "I have a thermal gas injection ioniser here - Model 134hY-5fn4-b and would like to know if you can interface with its primary energy converter.
To use this line of response, requires some flexibility in you being able to think up obscure questions to ask back in response to every question they put forward. Eventually, they'll give up, as time is lost sales to them.

Cold Callers

Registered with TPS, but still get calls from India now and again and The Guild of Will Makers once a year. Usual crap about got your number from a phone book, "It's ex directory", mentioning TPS and they are breaking the law usually cuts them dead. I always log it with TPS. If you don't, then they won't know there is a problem.
TPS Complaints Page

Callers follow a script and there is a counterscript, I've never had it handy when I've had a cold call. Too big to attach here so link below.
Telemarketing Counterscript

Originally Posted by sapper75

Sweary Man

probably been posted before but worth another look..

now thats what the t'interweb is for

Originally Posted by nebapneb

Originally Posted by sapper75

Sweary Man

probably been posted before but worth another look..

now thats what the t'interweb is for

Woah there Horsey!

That dude needs to go outside for a 5 min smoke break me thinks.

Imitating a Fax machine is fun , too.

the whine gets them every time [ just take a deep breath before letting go with the higher pitches ]

Worse for me, whenever the phone rings the internet goes off.

Virgin are shit.

jord get bb ffs brite girl spot on

edited for breaking new glasses and being stupid

If you have dial up internet, Jord, you need to check that you don't have 'call-waiting' on your telephone line.

If you do have call-waiting, have it removed and your problem will be resolved.

Other than that,... get broadband!

(If you already have broadband, there's every chance you'll need tech to attend as you may need a 're-pull')

Here in the states there is a government run wesite for "do not call" and it works very well and ZI can now eat dinner without talking to someone selling magazine subscriptions, lawn care products etc.

Funny thing though. Back when I used a numeric pager there was a local drug dealer whose pager number was close to mine. When I called back if the person answered "Hey man, dis ees Jose you got stuff tonight man" I would answer "this is Director <O'C*****> of the <*****> department, why are you calling" Usually they hung up immediately but if they continued the conversation in any way I would follow up with "Did you get my pager from the 911 Center? The only people with the number are at 911" No misrepresentation, just my title and department. They probably knew that when dope dealers are arrested it is customary for a detective to wear the dealers pager for a few days tracking the numbers. It was funny and it made up in part for my dinner or whatever being interupted.

Originally Posted by Rocketeer

aus.. the routine is yours for a modest franchise fee of 5% plus 2% per annum for 'upgrades' and a 10% territorial exclusive addendum...

or you can just rip me off and have fun with it.

Always happy to pay for quality! Rip off an artist? Who do you think I am, Tracy Emin? (shudder)