Cold calls!

**ferme_ta_gueule_toi** · 24-06-2009 17:03

Originally Posted by Ancient_Mariner

Have you got caller ID on your phone? If you have, you can see who is calling before you answer. Mine usually says 'INTERNATIONAL' if I'm getting a junk call from abroad and I just reject the call.

Hi mate,

I've noticed that allot of them are international, only prob is that I work in translation, so often get calls from colleagues that are abroad.

I've just registered with the site suggested and they said give it 28 days so we shall see if it reduces them..

Seems like loads of people have had similar probs...Just makes me think that it's strange that these companies haven't yet realised cold calls don't work..Infact the opposite

Anyhoooo I've written a list of people who I'm classifying as legitimate next to all phones in the house....If the next person to call isn't on my list...They're gonna get both barrels!!

**craign** · 24-06-2009 17:45

I'm registered on TPS but still get the occasional spam call.

I borrowed a tip I heard a good few years ago, if I ever have to register my name/address/phone number for anything with no real legal consequences (e.g. a guarantee form or PC-World "warranty" thing) I give my cat's name. If they call and they ask to speak to Oliver, I know it's spam, I then reply with "can you hold on a moment, he's under the table licking his crotch". It's usually followed by silence from their end, followed by a click.

Childish but very amusing.

**theoriginalphantom** · 24-06-2009 17:58

Ask them to call you back in 5 minutes on 'my other line' and give them the number for an undertakers, Samaritans or gay/lesbian help line*. You could try giving them a premium rate number...

* why do gays and lesbians need a help-line? Are there loads of really crap lesbians out there that can't lick other women or something? Do they miss? Do they accidentally shag men? (understandable mistake to make with the butcher lezzer I suppose)

**cantbearsed2** · 24-06-2009 18:31

i usually use my answering machine as a filter if there that desperate to get in touch they will leave a message
and if you dont know who it is just ignore it.

everyone i know and knows me is stored on my phone and knows to leave a small message and i,ll pick up.

still get sellers trying my number sometimes up to 3 a day but the never ever get past 5 beeps or leave a message.

**msr** · 24-06-2009 18:34

Originally Posted by ferme_ta_gueule_toi

Seems like loads of people have had similar probs...Just makes me think that it's strange that these companies haven't yet realised cold calls don't work

Trouble is - they do :(

msr

**John_D** · 24-06-2009 19:03

I'd echo the recommendation for the TPS. For those calls that still get through, I quite like any of the following:

1. Start blathering at them in a foreign language.

2. Ask them what number they are on so that you can return their call.

3. Using a heavily-mongified voice, explain how you were allowed to go down to the park to day and feed the ducks, and how, if you're good, you might be allowed out again tomorrow.

4. Greet their offers with massive enthusiasm and offer to buy absolutely everything they are selling. When they come to the triumphal finale of totting up all the goods you have agreed to buy, and are about to get your credit card number, and they ask "Is that the complete list of your order?" you say "Of course it isn't, you pillock, I'm not buying any of your tat" and put the phone down.

When I was still at school, I usually got to the phone before the parentals -- this was before you put phones in your pcoket, or took photos with them -- and one evening I picked the yellingbone up to hear the plank at the other end start to go through his script for selling conservatories. "Hang on, hang on a minute", I explained, "I need to go and ask the parents". Having informed them of the situation and digested their reactions, I was in a position to give an accurate account of them to the salesman: "Dad says no thanks very much, and Mum says you can fcuk right off." <click>

All the best,

John.

**Rocketeer** · 24-06-2009 19:31

I like to fcuk with them just to see what happens.

one called yesterday..

ME: This is Mother..[ pressed #1 for a 'beep ' tone ] The line is secured..
please state your password and the code for the day.

HIM: Um.. is Mr. XXXX there?

ME: I am not authorized to respond to enquiries unless password and code are verified...this call is monitored.. you have 10....9....8.....7..

HIM:.. oh, shit..

ME: Password accepted

HIM.. what? Sonofab**ch

ME: Code of the day accepted.
Transferring your call to Covert Ops Armed Response Unit.

HIM: click HMMMMMMMM

working up a new routine for the next one...

**auscam** · 24-06-2009 19:37

Originally Posted by craign

I'm registered on TPS but still get the occasional spam call.

I borrowed a tip I heard a good few years ago, if I ever have to register my name/address/phone number for anything with no real legal consequences (e.g. a guarantee form or PC-World "warranty" thing) I give my cat's name. If they call and they ask to speak to Oliver, I know it's spam, I then reply with "can you hold on a moment, he's under the table licking his crotch". It's usually followed by silence from their end, followed by a click.

Childish but very amusing.

Hahahahaha, that's f*cking hilarious, perfect :D

**Tremaine** · 24-06-2009 19:40

Worth mentioning that recorded cold calls, marketing phone calls without permission, are illegal and complaints can be made to the IC Office (Information Commissioner). Rogue firms can be heavily fined, apparently.

"Recorded messages - your permission is needed!"

"If you are receiving unsolicited sales and marketing voice recorded messages down your telephone line, and you have not given prior consent to receive such messages, you can ask the marketer to stop sending these."

They are legally obliged to act upon your request.

"However if you are still receiving such calls (or it is not possible to ask the company to stop sending these types of messages) you can complain directly to the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO). They are the government body responsible for enforcing the regulations.

Please note complaints about text messages and automated voice recordings are covered by new regulations overseen by the ICO. For more information please see their website www.ico.gov.uk or phone helpline on 01625 545745 "

Their full details appear on the Useful Links page of this site.
http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/news3.html

**auscam** · 24-06-2009 19:41

Originally Posted by Rocketeer

I like to fcuk with them just to see what happens.

one called yesterday..

ME: This is Mother..[ pressed #1 for a 'beep ' tone ] The line is secured..
please state your password and the code for the day.

HIM: Um.. is Mr. XXXX there?

ME: I am not authorized to respond to enquiries unless password and code are verified...this call is monitored.. you have 10....9....8.....7..

HIM:.. oh, s***..

ME: Password accepted

HIM.. what? Sonofab**ch

ME: Code of the day accepted.
Transferring your call to Covert Ops Armed Response Unit.

HIM: click HMMMMMMMM

working up a new routine for the next one...

That's genius, may I use it? Pleeeease?

**Rocketeer** · 24-06-2009 20:20

aus.. the routine is yours for a modest franchise fee of 5% plus 2% per annum for 'upgrades' and a 10% territorial exclusive addendum...

or you can just rip me off and have fun with it.

**Closet_Jibber** · 24-06-2009 20:32

Advise them that their call will be called for quailty assurance and training purposes then proceed to sing ding dong the witch is dead until they clear the line. This worked for me when the Sky TV people harrassed me.

**leveller** · 24-06-2009 21:05

Keep in mind TPS & MPS can take up to 3 months to fully kick in. Some marketing companies only update their call lists every three months.

But it does work, not 100% but very good.

And just mentioning TPS to callers gets a prompt click of the phone at the other end

Also, you can use it at work, if your a small company, then TPS/MPS can be registered, as well as FPS (fax PS), this stops those annoying spam faxes.

**ferme_ta_gueule_toi** · 24-06-2009 21:13

"Oliver is under the table, licking his crotch"

HA!

**guzzler** · 24-06-2009 21:26

The memsahb engages them in converstion about the weather kids what they had for lunch etc, it does there heads in and she can keep them on the phone for up to an hour.

**Barrack Room Lawyer** · 24-06-2009 21:35

Tell them you're doing a survey on 'cold calling' and would they mind if you conduct an interview with them. Say it will only involve approximately 30 minutes of their time and they don't have to answer any of the personal questions if they don't want to. If they persist and agree to your interview, start off by asking them if they ever suffer personal abuse and/or people slamming the phone down on them. Ask what was the worst thing anyone ever said before slamming the phone down. If they get so far as to give you an answer, repeat it back to them and slam the phone down!

or

Be as awkward and obtuse as possible. Sound interested in their suggestions, but return every question with another question, which is as 'impossible' as you can imagine. Thus, if they ask if you want double-glazing reply with, "Ah yes. I've been meaning to install that. The only slight problem is that I have circular windows approx 8' in diameter. Can you quote for that?"
If they ask if you want their energy (gas/electricity etc), reply with something like "I have a thermal gas injection ioniser here - Model 134hY-5fn4-b and would like to know if you can interface with its primary energy converter.
To use this line of response, requires some flexibility in you being able to think up obscure questions to ask back in response to every question they put forward. Eventually, they'll give up, as time is lost sales to them.

Cold Callers

**Trevor_H** · 24-06-2009 22:08

Registered with TPS, but still get calls from India now and again and The Guild of Will Makers once a year. Usual crap about got your number from a phone book, "It's ex directory", mentioning TPS and they are breaking the law usually cuts them dead. I always log it with TPS. If you don't, then they won't know there is a problem.
TPS Complaints Page

Callers follow a script and there is a counterscript, I've never had it handy when I've had a cold call. Too big to attach here so link below.
Telemarketing Counterscript

**nebapneb** · 24-06-2009 22:16

Originally Posted by sapper75

Sweary Man

probably been posted before but worth another look..

now thats what the t'interweb is for

**Closet_Jibber** · 24-06-2009 22:22

Originally Posted by nebapneb

Originally Posted by sapper75

Sweary Man

probably been posted before but worth another look..

now thats what the t'interweb is for

Woah there Horsey!

That dude needs to go outside for a 5 min smoke break me thinks.

**Rocketeer** · 24-06-2009 22:25

Imitating a Fax machine is fun , too.

the whine gets them every time [ just take a deep breath before letting go with the higher pitches ]

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