Cold calls!

**jinxy** · 24-06-2009, 16:49

This is rather old now and may have been posted before, still, I find it funny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv3UCvxUh8E

enjoy!

Edit, bugger

**Mikal** · 24-06-2009, 16:51

Originally Posted by Ancient_Mariner

The last resort is to get BT to change your phone number. Make sure your new number is ex-directory and don't disclose it to any commercial organisations. You need to guard your privacy these days. Address, phone number, email. Tell nobody unless you absolutely have to.

Ex-Directory or the super duper ex-drectory doesn't make any difference the number is generated by the puter not the phone book so a list to those "reputable" fimrr is sent out to be blocked through the software.

**Rudie** · 24-06-2009, 16:52

I used to scream F UCK OFF YOUY C UNTS!!!!!!! at every cold call I received. Once one of the f uckers phoned me straight back and shouted NO,YOU F UCK OFF C UNT at me. (in an Indian accent)

Another time, I got a call off an Asian speaking chap asking for Mr Rudie.... "F UCK OFF YOU C UNT!!" I screams down the phone.
It was an Indian restaurant that I had booked a table for my works night out......oops.

Now, I make them hang up first by either speaking like a retard,IE "I like chocolate" "I like poo poo",etc
or I start off speaking normally,only to stop mid sentence and start breathing heavily as if I'm knocking one off.

They ALWAYS hang up first.

**Gremlin** · 24-06-2009, 16:53

Originally Posted by BriteGirlie

Hi ferme_ta_gueule_toi,

Register with this website and all (or most) of the calls will stop....

http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/

BG

Bugger, wondered why I kept getting number unobtainable!!

**sapper75** · 24-06-2009, 16:58

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj2oXMdZ4sk

probably been posted before but worth another look..

**ferme_ta_gueule_toi** · 24-06-2009, 17:03

Originally Posted by Ancient_Mariner

Have you got caller ID on your phone? If you have, you can see who is calling before you answer. Mine usually says 'INTERNATIONAL' if I'm getting a junk call from abroad and I just reject the call.

Hi mate,

I've noticed that allot of them are international, only prob is that I work in translation, so often get calls from colleagues that are abroad.

I've just registered with the site suggested and they said give it 28 days so we shall see if it reduces them..

Seems like loads of people have had similar probs...Just makes me think that it's strange that these companies haven't yet realised cold calls don't work..Infact the opposite

Anyhoooo I've written a list of people who I'm classifying as legitimate next to all phones in the house....If the next person to call isn't on my list...They're gonna get both barrels!!

**craign** · 24-06-2009, 17:45

I'm registered on TPS but still get the occasional spam call.

I borrowed a tip I heard a good few years ago, if I ever have to register my name/address/phone number for anything with no real legal consequences (e.g. a guarantee form or PC-World "warranty" thing) I give my cat's name. If they call and they ask to speak to Oliver, I know it's spam, I then reply with "can you hold on a moment, he's under the table licking his crotch". It's usually followed by silence from their end, followed by a click.

Childish but very amusing.

**theoriginalphantom** · 24-06-2009, 17:58

Ask them to call you back in 5 minutes on 'my other line' and give them the number for an undertakers, Samaritans or gay/lesbian help line*. You could try giving them a premium rate number...

* why do gays and lesbians need a help-line? Are there loads of really crap lesbians out there that can't lick other women or something? Do they miss? Do they accidentally shag men? (understandable mistake to make with the butcher lezzer I suppose)

**cantbearsed2** · 24-06-2009, 18:31

i usually use my answering machine as a filter if there that desperate to get in touch they will leave a message
and if you dont know who it is just ignore it.

everyone i know and knows me is stored on my phone and knows to leave a small message and i,ll pick up.

still get sellers trying my number sometimes up to 3 a day but the never ever get past 5 beeps or leave a message.

**msr** · 24-06-2009, 18:34

Originally Posted by ferme_ta_gueule_toi

Seems like loads of people have had similar probs...Just makes me think that it's strange that these companies haven't yet realised cold calls don't work

Trouble is - they do :(

MSR

**John_D** · 24-06-2009, 19:03

I'd echo the recommendation for the TPS. For those calls that still get through, I quite like any of the following:

1. Start blathering at them in a foreign language.

2. Ask them what number they are on so that you can return their call.

3. Using a heavily-mongified voice, explain how you were allowed to go down to the park to day and feed the ducks, and how, if you're good, you might be allowed out again tomorrow.

4. Greet their offers with massive enthusiasm and offer to buy absolutely everything they are selling. When they come to the triumphal finale of totting up all the goods you have agreed to buy, and are about to get your credit card number, and they ask "Is that the complete list of your order?" you say "Of course it isn't, you pillock, I'm not buying any of your tat" and put the phone down.

When I was still at school, I usually got to the phone before the parentals -- this was before you put phones in your pcoket, or took photos with them -- and one evening I picked the yellingbone up to hear the plank at the other end start to go through his script for selling conservatories. "Hang on, hang on a minute", I explained, "I need to go and ask the parents". Having informed them of the situation and digested their reactions, I was in a position to give an accurate account of them to the salesman: "Dad says no thanks very much, and Mum says you can fcuk right off." <click>

All the best,

John.

**Rocketeer** · 24-06-2009, 19:31

I like to fcuk with them just to see what happens.

one called yesterday..

ME: This is Mother..[ pressed #1 for a 'beep ' tone ] The line is secured..
please state your password and the code for the day.

HIM: Um.. is Mr. XXXX there?

ME: I am not authorized to respond to enquiries unless password and code are verified...this call is monitored.. you have 10....9....8.....7..

HIM:.. oh, shit..

ME: Password accepted

HIM.. what? Sonofab**ch

ME: Code of the day accepted.
Transferring your call to Covert Ops Armed Response Unit.

HIM: click HMMMMMMMM

working up a new routine for the next one...

**auscam** · 24-06-2009, 19:37

Originally Posted by craign

I'm registered on TPS but still get the occasional spam call.

I borrowed a tip I heard a good few years ago, if I ever have to register my name/address/phone number for anything with no real legal consequences (e.g. a guarantee form or PC-World "warranty" thing) I give my cat's name. If they call and they ask to speak to Oliver, I know it's spam, I then reply with "can you hold on a moment, he's under the table licking his crotch". It's usually followed by silence from their end, followed by a click.

Childish but very amusing.

Hahahahaha, that's f*cking hilarious, perfect :D

**Tremaine** · 24-06-2009, 19:40

Worth mentioning that recorded cold calls, marketing phone calls without permission, are illegal and complaints can be made to the IC Office (Information Commissioner). Rogue firms can be heavily fined, apparently.

"Recorded messages - your permission is needed!"

"If you are receiving unsolicited sales and marketing voice recorded messages down your telephone line, and you have not given prior consent to receive such messages, you can ask the marketer to stop sending these."

They are legally obliged to act upon your request.

"However if you are still receiving such calls (or it is not possible to ask the company to stop sending these types of messages) you can complain directly to the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO). They are the government body responsible for enforcing the regulations.

Please note complaints about text messages and automated voice recordings are covered by new regulations overseen by the ICO. For more information please see their website www.ico.gov.uk or phone helpline on 01625 545745 "

Their full details appear on the Useful Links page of this site.
http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/news3.html

**auscam** · 24-06-2009, 19:41

Originally Posted by Rocketeer

I like to fcuk with them just to see what happens.

one called yesterday..

ME: This is Mother..[ pressed #1 for a 'beep ' tone ] The line is secured..
please state your password and the code for the day.

HIM: Um.. is Mr. XXXX there?

ME: I am not authorized to respond to enquiries unless password and code are verified...this call is monitored.. you have 10....9....8.....7..

HIM:.. oh, s***..

ME: Password accepted

HIM.. what? Sonofab**ch

ME: Code of the day accepted.
Transferring your call to Covert Ops Armed Response Unit.

HIM: click HMMMMMMMM

working up a new routine for the next one...

That's genius, may I use it? Pleeeease?