Thread: Problematic Nephew

Right then chaps & chapess’ a bit of advice (good & ridiculous) required.
Thought I’d stick this in the NAAFI as at the moment I’m fuming & some of the answers this may generate may calm me down.

My 18yr old nephew is currently being an ‘A’ class prick.
He’s just finished his doing his A-Levels, he want’s to go to Uni & then join up, hopefully going to RMAS. He’s already hitting the weights & running quite hard to get fitter.
However, he’s being a complete wanker at the moment to his parents.
He doesn’t do drugs, in fact he recently fell out with a mate of his who has been doing drugs.
But he does drink too much, in my opinion for an 18yr old.

Anyway, last night he came home pissed with some “friends�, he then proceeded to play loud music in the garden. When asked by his mum (my sister) to turn it down, as his 12yr old sister was in bed & had school the next day, apart from being bloody anti-social to the neighbours. He kicked off, calling his mum “a cunt� amongst other things.
When his dad (who is also a prick & no longer drinks, although that hasn’t cured his “arsehole-ness�) went to have a word with him around about midnight, my nephew smacked him over the head 4 times with the end of a wooden broom causing a 3� gash, which resulted in him having to go casualty.

My nephew stormed off only to come home in the early hours when only my sister & my other nephew & niece were in the house.
After being let in (his dad had taken his keys off him prior to being bashed) by my sister, he started to have a go at her. Resulting in him punching my sister in the upper left arm (she now has a nice fist size bruise) before he stormed off to bed. My sister was quite naturally scared being in the house with him without my brother-in-law being there after that.

This morning he’s slightly, & I mean slightly, apologetic. But he still thinks it’s everyone else’s fault not his own. Even his younger (15yr old) brother doesn’t want to speak to him.

Now, my sister wants me to have a word with him, as she thinks he’ll listen to me.
So I’m going around there tomorrow night. That way, things may have cooled off slightly. Because at the moment I just want to rip his head off & give him a good beating myself. However I really don’t think that will solve anything in the long run. But not having kids myself yet, let alone kids that age. I really don’t know how to handle it.
I need to try & get through to him that if he hits my sister again I’ll bury him. That smacking his dad around (although I don’t like him) is not on either. And that if he keeps up this attitude of being hard done by, he’s got no chance of becoming an officer, because he’ll probably end up with a criminal record.
Believe it or not, but he is a really bright, hard working kid. I think the drink is the biggest problem & the fact that he thinks he’s the big “I am�.

So over to my fellow Arrsers to try and give me some advice on the matter.
Feel free to PM me if your answer is too helpful for the NAAFI.
Cheers.

Arrange with your local unit or plod a visit to the cells and explain the hardships with being locked up all day.

explain that if he is an officer he cannot resolve issues with aggression and must learn to channel his hate/anger more constructively

Seriously, he needs a slap from his Mum. I had a similar attitude when I was 18 and I ended up right in my Mum's face screaming at her and being quite intimidating. She hadn't hit me in years so I thought it would not happen but she clocked me one. I turn about, scream at her that "I am 18 now and she can't do that to me!" blah blah so she clocked me one again. I calm straight down, realised I was still a kid and was acting up. Trust me, it helps. And she is only 5'4", but I never said anything out of line again :D

Its a phase, hopefully.

Send Jarrod and MDN around to give him a "preview" of prison life. Should sort him

The depressing thing is that you can see it a mile off and there probably isn't anything you can do. I've tried to talk sense into lots of people, they treat you with contempt and then get awfully upset when the world bites.

Inevitably he will get lifted. In Scotland there would be a case for getting him lifted right now - summary justice reforms would mean (at least for the assault on his sister) he'd get a fine but no record. He just doesn't realise how perilous his situation is - abh with a weapon; he could be in a cell being made to sing a song on pain of getting stabbed.

To be honest acidedge, my sister is a puff when it comes to punishment of any kind.
And bearing in mind this goes on when he's drunk she's petrified of what he'll do in retaliation. As I said he's been hitting the weights hard this last year, so he's not small.
But I do think he needs a smack.
I played up to my dad when I was 16. I hit him, he broke my nose.
But I never played up again with my parents after that.

Originally Posted by gobbyidiot

He just doesn't realise how perilous his situation is - abh with a weapon; he could be in a cell being made to sing a song on pain of getting stabbed.

I know what you mean, his father was asked if he wanted to press charges and said "no".
I can see him having a very big fall soon.
Especially if he goes away to Uni with the chip still on his shoulder.

Originally Posted by Miner

And bearing in mind this goes on when he's drunk she's petrified of what he'll do in retaliation. As I said he's been hitting the weights hard this last year, so he's not small.
But I do think he needs a smack.
I played up to my dad when I was 16. I hit him, he broke my nose.
But I never played up again with my parents after that.

Then this is the perfect opportunity to show him there's always some one bigger, harder and angry than him.
I'd give him a hiding and let him see how it feels to receive as well as give.
Officer material, with that attitude, he's kidding himself.

Grab him by the scruff, give him a damn good shaking, pin him up against the wall and then tell him the way it's gonna be if he slaps his mum again! Don't actually hit him, but be firm enough to put the fear in, then sit him down for a chat nice and calm like! It worked for me when my younger bro was being a cnut!

You could remind him that he might preclude himself from his chosen profession with a string of convictions for assault.

Originally Posted by milsum

You could remind him that he might preclude himself from his chosen profession with a string of convictions for assault.

A single one will probably rule him out and it won't look good at any interview explaining that he got it for hitting his mum....

Originally Posted by msr

Originally Posted by milsum

You could remind him that he might preclude himself from his chosen profession with a string of convictions for assault.

A single one will probably rule him out and it won't look good at any interview explaining that he got it for hitting his mum....

That was my thinking.
Up until today, apart from the usual teenage crap, he's been a top bloke.
Now he seems to have become cnut overnight.
I can only think it's the drink, coupled with sweating on his A-Levels, & his Uni finance stuff thats got to be sorted that is making him act like a total prick.

No matter how much you may want to, beating ten bells out of him wont help at all.
Best bet is to sit him down nice and calm like and explain to him:

1. The drink is the problem, he is probably one of those instant arrsehole just add alcohol types.

2. He wont have a sniff of making officer with that attitude.

3. No matter how big and hard he thinks he is, there is always someone bigger and harder.

and the best bit.......

Look him straight in the eye, make sure you have his full attention then say nice and calm like "If you ever hit my sister again, I will cut your throat"

Should work a treat.

A lady i work with is having the same trouble with her 15year old daughter, she recently pushed her mum down the stairs, hits her, throws drinks at her, and yet she still hasnt kicked the little f*cking bitch out!
No last warnings, kick them out, change the locks, and let them do the crawling back.