Thread: Problematic Nephew

Originally Posted by polar69

Its a phase, hopefully.

More than likely it is not. I know plenty of people who were like this and never grew out of it. It got worse for a few of them when they got that false sense of independence and indulgent self worth when getting to uni. Its a phase when they are 13 not 18, he is a young adult therefore should know his actions impact others around him and carry consequences.

As un-PC as it is these days, a bit of a kicking is the easiest way to take him down a few notches and take away all his privileges (house keys, driving lessons/car, lifts to a mates house etc). Or you could wait till he kicks off next time but call the police and get him in the cells over night and ask them to just do bad cop with extra effort to scare some sense into him. Ive seen both of these sort people out and ive seen them have no impact, just depends how special this little darling thinks he is.

The bottom line is, the sooner he is gripped the better for everybody but more so him in the long run.

You should point out that is offer of a place at Uni can be withdrawn if he's convicted of violent or sexual crime. No degree and worse, no chance at Sandhurst.

I know he's family and you feel an obligation under this sort of circumstance but I'm a great believer in letting life deal out retribution if you can. So long as he keeps his fists and attitude off your sister, let the big wide world do the kicking of living shit out of him - the way he's headed it's a stone cold certainty.

If he touches her again, build a patio.

Edited to clarify potential consequences.

Before you do anything, get his version of events. Sit with him somewhere where you won't be disturbed and there is no recourse to alcohol.

Be neutral and draw him out of himself, apply subtle pressure with body language, facial expressions and cold silences where you need to, but get him talking and keep him off balance.

Does he think that his behaviour is a problem, does he think that it is very wrong to abuse his mother and attack her husband, does he think that he has a drink problem, does he think that his career might be about to go down the toilet before it has begun, is it ok to scare his siblings and set them a bad example, if this is how he copes with the stress of exams and uni how will he cope with leading a PL in Afghanistan for half a year?

If he is glib or tries to rationalise it away or blame it on the drink, you have a problem on your hands and I would recommend a severe beating, followed by a glimpse of his own mortality and the stone certainty that if he harms your sister or neice his only chance is to find a painless way to commit suicide and do it fast..

If he is ashamed and thoughtful and worried, you have something to work with and may be able to help him. I hope you will be able to sit with him and have a long talk about how his life came to this moment and how it will progress from here.

But if he's just NFG - no firking good, you know what has to be done.

Hitting the weights hard, Change of character quite sudden.....any chance he could be on the steds?

Old mate of mine did this without telling anyone, was a completely different (bell-end) when on that shoit.

Other than that, make him afraid, and explain the usual facts of life as you see fit.

Originally Posted by Miner

Originally Posted by msr

Originally Posted by milsum

You could remind him that he might preclude himself from his chosen profession with a string of convictions for assault.

A single one will probably rule him out and it won't look good at any interview explaining that he got it for hitting his mum....

That was my thinking.
Up until today, apart from the usual teenage crap, he's been a top bloke.
Now he seems to have become cnut overnight.
I can only think it's the drink, coupled with sweating on his A-Levels, & his Uni finance stuff thats got to be sorted that is making him act like a total prick.

Stress does make people act out of character, but if he thinks that's 'stress', how is he going to cope in an evil sh*t-fight in Afghanistan or wherever, with a platoon of terrified squaddies expecting him to save them?

And that's if he gets to RMAS to begin with (which doesn't sound likely ATM), and then passes out (again unlikely, with that attitude)

Any DS worth his salt would turn him into a twitching wreck in a matter of hours at Sandhurst...'hard man' my arrse, there's always someone tougher than you. Like Terry Taliban, for example.

Originally Posted by Closet_Jibber

Remain calm. Remind him about the pro's and con'sof the Sandhurst issue and criminal record etc. Pretend to care about what he has to say and offer useful advice in relation to the drink.

Then (Important this bit) Firmly grab the back of his neck like a mob boss grabs one of his drivers when he takes him to one side. Rock him backwards and forwards gently a few times and say "If I ever hear that you have raised your hands to my sister ever again, I'll rip your face off." In your spare hand it is important that you are holding a suitable kitchen/garden instrument to do this with (I reccomend a fork).

If his reaction is negative proceed to go through him like mouldy chicken. Pepper him with lefts and rights before headlocking him and throwing his head through an upstairs window. This is where you have to have a bit of a nasty streak. Proceed to pick up his X Box and smash it as many times as you can over the back of his now considerably bruised and bleeding head. Keep tight hold in order to keep it intact for aslong as possible. As soon as it breaks up remove his phone and Picture message his mates with the words "You're Next."

Finally drag him into the bathroom and throw him in the bath. Turn on the taps and then go and use the now free power cable from the X Box to do what feels right (You may need an extension plug).

Bah! I my day, we had it TOUGH!

Originally Posted by Mighty_doh_nut

Originally Posted by meshellxxx

A lady i work with is having the same trouble with her 15year old daughter, she recently pushed her mum down the stairs, hits her, throws drinks at her, and yet she still hasnt kicked the little f*cking bitch out!
No last warnings, kick them out, change the locks, and let them do the crawling back.

Where does this homeless teen girl live?

I will have her hooked on crack and have her arrse pimped out before dawn

Your parents didn't let you have a puppy, did they?

Originally Posted by blanko

Originally Posted by Miner

Originally Posted by gobbyidiot

This kid sounds as if he's had some marginal parenting, and it can "cause" (dodgy term) lots of problems. I had that too, and from 17 to (at least) 29 I was lucky time after time in managing to avoid the worst of the consequences. A head full of loose-ish wiring, a sense of entitlement, grievances, physical strength, testosterone................all manageable if you add, i) self-interest, and ii) sobriety. Without these two things it's straight to the scene of the accident, unless you throw a six repeatedly as the patron saint of arseholes bails you out.

My bold
Unfortunately I have to agree with you.
Sporadic spousal abuse (my brother-in-law) on my sister over the years. I was not aware of a lot of it until very recently (I'm 15yrs younger than my sisters). Most happened when I was still a kid. She won't leave him because she "loves" him.

You just nailed it. Seen it before. What you learn early is what you learn. It takes a strong man to break the pattern.

I agree, unfortunately, it happened with my now-late sister, and I'm not as well adjusted as I'd like (although I've never been violent or been charged, even though I should have been)

Abusers breed abusers, it's that simple-and complex.

Have him come and stay with you for a couple of days and get to the root of the problem .

.....and feed him loads of beer so you can see his reactions yourself.

Originally Posted by carlbcfc

.....and feed him loads of beer so you can see his reactions yourself.

Good idea. Just as he starts getting tipsy start shadow boxing with him and doing the Ali shuffle and see what he does.

Sounds like his spent most of his life witnessing uneccessary levels of violence/abuse as a means of problem resolution at home. Threatening him, shouting at him or flattening him serves no purpose other than to reinforce the perceptions he's subconciously built up over the years. Try and gain his confidence and trust such that he believes you are genuinely willing to listen to him. If you can get him to start talking openly you have a chance to help him work through and understand what's going on in his head. It might help if you can take him out of his usual environment somewhere he can relax and open up - a camping trip is one idea.

As to the alcohol, explain to him that he can blame unacceptable behaviour on drink only once. After that it's entirely his responsibility if he knows how booze affects him yet chooses to indulge regardless.

For all that he's eighteen and may seem like an adult, he's still a child in many ways. Make some allowances for him as it seems you're probably the best chance he's got at the moment if he's to avoid going off the track.

Originally Posted by Miner

But he does drink too much, in my opinion for an 18yr old.

Anyway, last night he came home pissed with some “friends�, he then proceeded to play loud music in the garden. When asked by his mum (my sister) to turn it down, as his 12yr old sister was in bed & had school the next day, apart from being bloody anti-social to the neighbours. He kicked off, calling his mum “a cunt� amongst other things.
When his dad (who is also a prick & no longer drinks, although that hasn’t cured his “arsehole-ness�) went to have a word with him around about midnight, my nephew smacked him over the head 4 times with the end of a wooden broom causing a 3� gash, which resulted in him having to go casualty.

Has the c*nt of a dad done somthing in the past to cause this, Hitting his is out of order but could it be mis directed anger, talk to him see what he says and if all else fails kick his cnut in, and for extra marks give the dad a slap.

give him a big kiss and a cwtch
that'll probably scare him more than anything else

and failing that maybe a shoeing is required
just to point out that there will always be someone bigger & tougher
and you never, ever, ever hit your mam unless you want serious pain in return

He thinks that getting beered up & kicking off is what adults do, the role model in his life did! Now he's 18 he's an adult, so has started doing what adults do!

Firstly get his mum, his dad, his brothers & sisters (as applicable) to write down how they saw him, what they thought & how the feel about him now. There's nothing lik seeing it in black & White to bring home the shame, he can't deny his behaviour when it's written there.

Then after he's read all that tell hike you're going for a walk, take him to the local DSS office & ask him what he thinks? Then explain that this is the kind of place he'll be coming to regularly if he gets a criminal record cos he can forget the degree & definatley RMAS.

Finally, show him the "SOLID C" bumph they give out in basic training now & ask him to explain what part of the British Army Values & Standards in front of him his actions the other night are in line with, as that's the kind of person he needs to be in the army!

Finally tell him that if he ever touches your sister again that you won't hit him, you won't beat him or even scare him because you are a real man so don't hurt your family because you don't hurt people you love. However you will personally take him to the old bill & end any chance he has of the future he's working hard to achieve.

If you use violence towards him, you're just reinforcing the impression he has from his childhood that violence is an acceptable resolution to any problem.