Thread: Problematic Nephew

Tell him you will go somewhere for a nice quite chat.
Arrive at a Boxing gym take him into the ring and throw him a pair of gloves,you putting on the other,Have a referre as well.
Dont take any explanation from him,drag him in the ring and tell him we will find out hard he is now he is sober.

If he refuses tell him you will leather him outside of the ring in some back alley and with no referee...after dropping him and him coming around tell if he ever shows disrespect,violence etc you will repeat this process..in ring or outside..his choice.

And after all boxing is a Army sport,so you are only preparing him for his future.
He might just get the message.

Or he might look up to Uncle Miner who just beat the crap out of him, and decide he wants to be just like him, only harder

Originally Posted by devexwarrior

Originally Posted by acidedge

Seriously, he needs a slap from his Mum. I had a similar attitude when I was 18 and I ended up right in my Mum's face screaming at her and being quite intimidating. She hadn't hit me in years so I thought it would not happen but she clocked me one. I turn about, scream at her that "I am 18 now and she can't do that to me!" blah blah so she clocked me one again. I calm straight down, realised I was still a kid and was acting up. Trust me, it helps. And she is only 5'4", but I never said anything out of line again :D

Same as this except I was 16 and it was my dad.

Same here too. My Mum joked with me about it last summer saying it had been a turning point etc etc. I told her I agreed but unfortunately her actions of yesteryear would come back to haunt her in the form of me choosing the cheapest and nastiest old folks home to spend the rest of her days in "Whats that Granny Farmboy, you don't like being bunjeed to a chair all day with only one meal"

It did wipe the smile off her face for a while. Only joking of course my Mum is the best, but it does make you think that as Kids the scope for revenge does come later in life....should you so choose

Originally Posted by polar69

Its a phase, hopefully.

More than likely it is not. I know plenty of people who were like this and never grew out of it. It got worse for a few of them when they got that false sense of independence and indulgent self worth when getting to uni. Its a phase when they are 13 not 18, he is a young adult therefore should know his actions impact others around him and carry consequences.

As un-PC as it is these days, a bit of a kicking is the easiest way to take him down a few notches and take away all his privileges (house keys, driving lessons/car, lifts to a mates house etc). Or you could wait till he kicks off next time but call the police and get him in the cells over night and ask them to just do bad cop with extra effort to scare some sense into him. Ive seen both of these sort people out and ive seen them have no impact, just depends how special this little darling thinks he is.

The bottom line is, the sooner he is gripped the better for everybody but more so him in the long run.

Before you do anything, get his version of events. Sit with him somewhere where you won't be disturbed and there is no recourse to alcohol.

Be neutral and draw him out of himself, apply subtle pressure with body language, facial expressions and cold silences where you need to, but get him talking and keep him off balance.

Does he think that his behaviour is a problem, does he think that it is very wrong to abuse his mother and attack her husband, does he think that he has a drink problem, does he think that his career might be about to go down the toilet before it has begun, is it ok to scare his siblings and set them a bad example, if this is how he copes with the stress of exams and uni how will he cope with leading a PL in Afghanistan for half a year?

If he is glib or tries to rationalise it away or blame it on the drink, you have a problem on your hands and I would recommend a severe beating, followed by a glimpse of his own mortality and the stone certainty that if he harms your sister or neice his only chance is to find a painless way to commit suicide and do it fast..

If he is ashamed and thoughtful and worried, you have something to work with and may be able to help him. I hope you will be able to sit with him and have a long talk about how his life came to this moment and how it will progress from here.

But if he's just NFG - no firking good, you know what has to be done.

Originally Posted by Miner

Originally Posted by msr

Originally Posted by milsum

You could remind him that he might preclude himself from his chosen profession with a string of convictions for assault.

A single one will probably rule him out and it won't look good at any interview explaining that he got it for hitting his mum....

That was my thinking.
Up until today, apart from the usual teenage crap, he's been a top bloke.
Now he seems to have become cnut overnight.
I can only think it's the drink, coupled with sweating on his A-Levels, & his Uni finance stuff thats got to be sorted that is making him act like a total prick.

Stress does make people act out of character, but if he thinks that's 'stress', how is he going to cope in an evil sh*t-fight in Afghanistan or wherever, with a platoon of terrified squaddies expecting him to save them?

And that's if he gets to RMAS to begin with (which doesn't sound likely ATM), and then passes out (again unlikely, with that attitude)

Any DS worth his salt would turn him into a twitching wreck in a matter of hours at Sandhurst...'hard man' my arrse, there's always someone tougher than you. Like Terry Taliban, for example.

Originally Posted by Closet_Jibber

Remain calm. Remind him about the pro's and con'sof the Sandhurst issue and criminal record etc. Pretend to care about what he has to say and offer useful advice in relation to the drink.

Then (Important this bit) Firmly grab the back of his neck like a mob boss grabs one of his drivers when he takes him to one side. Rock him backwards and forwards gently a few times and say "If I ever hear that you have raised your hands to my sister ever again, I'll rip your face off." In your spare hand it is important that you are holding a suitable kitchen/garden instrument to do this with (I reccomend a fork).

If his reaction is negative proceed to go through him like mouldy chicken. Pepper him with lefts and rights before headlocking him and throwing his head through an upstairs window. This is where you have to have a bit of a nasty streak. Proceed to pick up his X Box and smash it as many times as you can over the back of his now considerably bruised and bleeding head. Keep tight hold in order to keep it intact for aslong as possible. As soon as it breaks up remove his phone and Picture message his mates with the words "You're Next."

Finally drag him into the bathroom and throw him in the bath. Turn on the taps and then go and use the now free power cable from the X Box to do what feels right (You may need an extension plug).

Bah! I my day, we had it TOUGH!

Originally Posted by Mighty_doh_nut

Originally Posted by meshellxxx

A lady i work with is having the same trouble with her 15year old daughter, she recently pushed her mum down the stairs, hits her, throws drinks at her, and yet she still hasnt kicked the little f*cking bitch out!
No last warnings, kick them out, change the locks, and let them do the crawling back.

Where does this homeless teen girl live?

I will have her hooked on crack and have her arrse pimped out before dawn

Your parents didn't let you have a puppy, did they?

Originally Posted by blanko

Originally Posted by Miner

Originally Posted by gobbyidiot

This kid sounds as if he's had some marginal parenting, and it can "cause" (dodgy term) lots of problems. I had that too, and from 17 to (at least) 29 I was lucky time after time in managing to avoid the worst of the consequences. A head full of loose-ish wiring, a sense of entitlement, grievances, physical strength, testosterone................all manageable if you add, i) self-interest, and ii) sobriety. Without these two things it's straight to the scene of the accident, unless you throw a six repeatedly as the patron saint of arseholes bails you out.

My bold
Unfortunately I have to agree with you.
Sporadic spousal abuse (my brother-in-law) on my sister over the years. I was not aware of a lot of it until very recently (I'm 15yrs younger than my sisters). Most happened when I was still a kid. She won't leave him because she "loves" him.

You just nailed it. Seen it before. What you learn early is what you learn. It takes a strong man to break the pattern.

I agree, unfortunately, it happened with my now-late sister, and I'm not as well adjusted as I'd like (although I've never been violent or been charged, even though I should have been)

Abusers breed abusers, it's that simple-and complex.

Have him come and stay with you for a couple of days and get to the root of the problem .

.....and feed him loads of beer so you can see his reactions yourself.

Sounds like his spent most of his life witnessing uneccessary levels of violence/abuse as a means of problem resolution at home. Threatening him, shouting at him or flattening him serves no purpose other than to reinforce the perceptions he's subconciously built up over the years. Try and gain his confidence and trust such that he believes you are genuinely willing to listen to him. If you can get him to start talking openly you have a chance to help him work through and understand what's going on in his head. It might help if you can take him out of his usual environment somewhere he can relax and open up - a camping trip is one idea.

As to the alcohol, explain to him that he can blame unacceptable behaviour on drink only once. After that it's entirely his responsibility if he knows how booze affects him yet chooses to indulge regardless.

For all that he's eighteen and may seem like an adult, he's still a child in many ways. Make some allowances for him as it seems you're probably the best chance he's got at the moment if he's to avoid going off the track.