Thread: Problematic Nephew

Go round and see him, tell him you are taking him for a beer and a chat.

Take him to the pub and banter and talk as normal with him until he goes for a lag. Follow him in and peg him to the top of the toilet door by his scrotum and stare t him like you've just had a party bag of E's and tell him you are going to play the xylophone with a hammer on his back bone.

Explain the error of his ways without raising your voice, whilst never leaving hold of a raging pan handle, tell him calmly that should he ever, ever, ever step out of line again you will penetrate him and put it on the internet before parading him around his friends houses bungeed to the top of a camper van with semen dripping from his face and bottom.

take a toilet block from the urinal, place it in his shocked and wide open mouth then return to your seat like nothings happened.

When you drop him off, give him a pat on the back, when he looks at you all confused give him that E'd up glare and grab your rod.

Sorted

Originally Posted by Mighty_doh_nut

Go round and see him, tell him you are taking him for a beer and a chat.

Take him to the pub and banter and talk as normal with him until he goes for a lag. Follow him in and peg him to the top of the toilet door by his scrotum and stare t him like you've just had a party bag of E's and tell him you are going to play the xylophone with a hammer on his back bone.

Explain the error of his ways without raising your voice, whilst never leaving hold of a raging pan handle, tell him calmly that should he ever, ever, ever step out of line again you will penetrate him and put it on the internet before parading him around his friends houses bungeed to the top of a camper van with semen dripping from his face and bottom.

take a toilet block from the urinal, place it in his shocked and wide open mouth then return to your seat like nothings happened.

When you drop him off, give him a pat on the back, when he looks at you all confused give him that E'd up glare and grab your rod.

Sorted

I do like this option the best!! :D

Originally Posted by meshellxxx

A lady i work with is having the same trouble with her 15year old daughter, she recently pushed her mum down the stairs, hits her, throws drinks at her, and yet she still hasnt kicked the little f*cking bitch out!
No last warnings, kick them out, change the locks, and let them do the crawling back.

Where does this homeless teen girl live?

I will have her hooked on crack and have her arrse pimped out before dawn

Originally Posted by Mighty_doh_nut

Go round and see him, tell him you are taking him for a beer and a chat.

Take him to the pub and banter and talk as normal with him until he goes for a lag. Follow him in and peg him to the top of the toilet door by his scrotum and stare t him like you've just had a party bag of E's and tell him you are going to play the xylophone with a hammer on his back bone.

Explain the error of his ways without raising your voice, whilst never leaving hold of a raging pan handle, tell him calmly that should he ever, ever, ever step out of line again you will penetrate him and put it on the internet before parading him around his friends houses bungeed to the top of a camper van with semen dripping from his face and bottom.

take a toilet block from the urinal, place it in his shocked and wide open mouth then return to your seat like nothings happened.

When you drop him off, give him a pat on the back, when he looks at you all confused give him that E'd up glare and grab your rod.

Sorted

Remind me never to upset you! Then to go for a beer with you after Ive upset you!

Strangely enough, my first thought was to do something similar to what MDN has suggested so eloquently.
Although I was going to take him out somewhere quiet, like the woods.
That way, no witnesses.

And buggrit, I was also going to do the "hit my sister one more time" part as well.

Why not tie him to a tree and make him watch you leather your sister properly?

Miner
You mention his recent behaviour is out of character and he's been caning the weights, any chance he's on the roids?

Even if you advise him to calm down, some people just won't be told.

Wait until he's kicked off a few more times, and the Army have also rejected him. Point him towards here, and tell him to ask for advice to get in even though he's been rejected for being unsuitable. Then, when he doesn't get the answers he wants to hear, you can mercilessly rip the piss out of him in front of the entire internet.

"Told you so, told you so, na na na naaaa naaaaaaa"

Originally Posted by ted-stryker

Miner
You mention his recent behaviour is out of character and he's been caning the weights, any chance he's on the roids?

Hmm, I don't think so. He's very anti drugs.
But it could be a possibility.

P.S. MDN, now you're being silly.

Firstly, I think we should thank MDN for his subtle and sublime way of impressing on the youth of today the error of their ways.

Secondly, is he on the steroids? The instant arrsehole bit sounds like a typical testosterone overload or similar.

I would love to comment with a witty plan of action for the wayward knobber, but it really is a hard call.

I suspect I would go with the quiet chat. Simply explain the situation and a hand him a copy of this thread, highlighting MDN's plans and Jarrods interest in young burly men. Oh! And then I'd do the 'touch my sister again' bit but with a classy but pragmatic line about castration, testicles, eunuch's etc. to finish.

Strangely enough i had a similar issue with my son before he went off to Uni..

Waited until he wasnt looking and dug him in the Kidneys and then held him on the floor with a knife to his throat (and just said to him you may be 6 3 and 16 stone but i'm a nasty bast a rd..)

Part is beer, part is stress, part is muscle flexing( growing up).

He still gets stroppy but only when it's not rugby season.. your nephew needs somthing to focus this agression on.

Originally Posted by Fat_Cav

And then I'd do the 'touch my sister again' bit but with a classy but pragmatic line about castration, testicles, eunuch's etc. to finish.

That's not a bad thought actually. If you whip away his testicles I think his temperament would improve markedly. You could be kind and use a clean knife, rather than one of MDN's rusty blades - after all, he is family.

Alot of people who use roids dont see them as a drug they see them as a supplement.

when my brother used to kick of and punch my mum in the arm and ribs the local plod cam round. (this was a fairly small village near colchester) plod being ex forces took him out side the back had a few words and when they both walked in my brother never hit my mum again,

plod was happy (less paper work) and had a very raw nuckles.

some people need to be scared shitless others need to be talked to,

I know somebody who had similar problems with a teenage son.
Calmy walked into the lads bedroom, chucked the lads telly and Playstation out of the window and quietly informed him that the next unpleasnat word the kid uttered he would be following the telly.
Worked wonders.

Agree with the above that with him hitting the weights and being agressive on drink, not a teenage fad this , strongly points to and sounds like some sort of Roid Rage