Useful

**milsum** · 03-06-2009, 09:11

But are the monkeys better behaved, cheaper, quieter, unable to require a Nintendo DS, less lightly to develop a drug habit, get knocked up aged 13, defraud the benefit system, rob their grandparents and burn down your house?

If so I could be in the market if a Mr Milsum ever gets broody.

**Mr_Deputy** · 03-06-2009, 09:17

In Voltaire's famous philosophical work Candide* he described how ladies might take a monkey or ape as pet.....and lover. Yes. I said lover.

Seen often in British high streets to this day of course if you look close enough.

* if you are partially sighted ** or are medically afraid of books and haven't the time to read it basically this bloke, right, the hero, he finally decides that life is what you make it and you should try and be satisfied with what you have. Sort of. "all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds".

** hang on then....how are you reading this then? Why you little.... I oughta.....!

**milsum** · 03-06-2009, 09:24

Originally Posted by Mr_Deputy

In Voltaire's famous philosophical work Candide* he described how ladies might take a monkey or ape as pet.....and lover. Yes. I said lover.

Might improve the pillow talk I suppose.

**old_fat_and_hairy** · 03-06-2009, 09:48

Originally Posted by milsum

Originally Posted by Mr_Deputy

In Voltaire's famous philosophical work Candide* he described how ladies might take a monkey or ape as pet.....and lover. Yes. I said lover.

Might improve the pillow talk I suppose.

I've often been compared to a primate and not the Archbishop. I'm old, fat, hairy and wrinkled. And I can grunt.

**Bowser-Mong** · 03-06-2009, 10:04

Wonder if they commit incest?

**old_fat_and_hairy** · 03-06-2009, 10:08

Originally Posted by FABLONBIFFCHIT

Wonder if they commit incest?

Probably not the monkeys. The others most certainly.

**DemsMaShoes** · 03-06-2009, 10:34

Originally Posted by milsum

But are the monkeys better behaved, cheaper, quieter, unable to require a Nintendo DS, less lightly to develop a drug habit, get knocked up aged 13, defraud the benefit system, rob their grandparents and burn down your house?

Not always, but when you get fed up with them you can have them put down.

**Mr_Deputy** · 03-06-2009, 10:38

Originally Posted by DemsMaShoes

Originally Posted by milsum

But are the monkeys better behaved, cheaper, quieter, unable to require a Nintendo DS, less lightly to develop a drug habit, get knocked up aged 13, defraud the benefit system, rob their grandparents and burn down your house?

Not always, but when you get fed up with them you can have them put down.

What you mean take the p1ss out of their tales and ears - that kind of thing? Monkey's throw their own pooh. You could end up in deep monkey doo doo.

**_Artemis_** · 03-06-2009, 10:50

Originally Posted by milsum

But are the monkeys better behaved, cheaper, quieter, unable to require a Nintendo DS, less lightly to develop a drug habit, get knocked up aged 13, defraud the benefit system, rob their grandparents and burn down your house?

If so I could be in the market if a Mr Milsum ever gets broody.

I now have a crystal clear image of Mr M, baby sling on, doing the gardening :D You'd better keep him away from the repeat...

**smartascarrots** · 03-06-2009, 12:46

Originally Posted by FABLONBIFFCHIT

Wonder if they commit incest?

Come on, now. You don't come up with ideas like adopting a monkey as a child without at least several generations of it behind you.

Monkeys are not children - pets, yes; playthings, of course; footballs, why not; rations,... I can see that. Not kids.

You can't eat kids.