Thread: Wanktoys for weirdos.

I thought I was pretty laid back. Broad-minded even.
Never been averse to coating the odd weasel in lube nor testing gas axes for their erotic uses.
I even thought that old Chrimbo film, "Eels for Pleasure" was a trg vid.
But then I was sent a web address, www.dribbling_clowns.com
Apparently for fans of Tolkien & similar.

Being the inquisitive type I ventured into the fora to see what sort of hot doris is into this, hoping for a flock of Angelina Jolie lookalikes.
I fecking wish I hadn't.
None of the cnuts are very well.
I reckon most of them are called Hank or Billy-Bob.
I'm pretty sure not many resemble Lara Croft either.


Not content with stuffing fairly regular items up their chuffs, these rôle-playing inbreds want to be shagged by mythical creatures !
They're not all off their rockers, one clever bugger cottoned onto this niche market and makes expensive dragon dicks with which the moonhowlers can shag whatever remains of their drug-addled brains out.
Kit like this:



The only saving grace or excuse for their bizarre pastime is that they all come from the land of the free, but I bet the Founding Fathers hadn't envisaged this bunch when they wrote out their amendments.
Some of these card-carrying cretins actually believe themselves to be dragons in human guise, which only proves the DEA aren't pulling their weight.


Still, it puts a whole new meaning on "Puff The Magic Dragon."




ps. All females who don't have a boat like a bucket of smashed crabs and need some dragon lurve send applications via PM.

Warm and pulsing with his arousal, this dragon leaves his riders begging for more - and loving every minute of it. He's a great intermediate user's toy - the head is fun to use for beginners, and the knot provides an ongoing and pleasurably challenge as you as you practice.


The first of our toys to feature our innovative cumtube, the Drippy Dragon is ideally suited for a beginner who wants a toy that will be interesting and fun to use regardless of their ongoing experiences..

Measuring 2 inches across his head, 2.5 inches wide across the knot and 7 inches of usable length, he is sure to keep you warm on those cold winter nights...

Full Dimensions:
Diameter of head (side to side): 2 Inches
Circumference of cockhead: 6 Inches
Diameter of shaft behind head: 1.5 Inches
Circumference of shaft behind head: 5.25 Inches
Diameter of knot: 2.5 Inches
Circumference of knot: 8 Inches
Diameter of shaft behind knot: 2 Inches
Circumference of shaft behind knot: 6 Inches
Usable Length: 8 Inches
Total Length: 9 Inches



Oh dear...im quite freaked out by all that. Might see if Mrs KeepCalm would want one of these for our anniversary. It even manages to blow a wad of cum-lube...

How can this not turn anybody on?

Edit: The forums are bloody epic.

Ok so I got my Ridgeback on Friday....and wow. When I opened the box and pulled it out I was filled with excitement ((who wouldn't be right??)) . I had to wait to use it until Monday though, and my what a weekend that was...lol. So Monday finally came.....and I was about ready to explode when I got home from school.....I dashed to my room, grabbed Mr. Ridgey, and headed off to the bathroom for a long time ;).

**skips the boring shit...**

Ok so now that I was all cleaned out and lubed up, ready to go. I slowly started to push him into me, and mmmuuuuurrrrr! It felt sooo good, Once you get past the head, those ridges sure to make for a nice ride . As I started to take more and more of him, I felt the slight "knot" (if thats what you want to call it) beginning to go in, and once it was....well the feeling is just amazing. The thickness of it lets you tie up nicely with him, and gives you a nice full feeling. And once you start to ride him, you really RIDE HIM. When I felt the whole length of him sliding in and out of me like that, I just lost myself. And although it may not be the super soft material, it still feels great. I know I will be enjoying him for many years to come ;)

Plus all this great feeling, mixed with my imagination....well....I actually got so lost in the play that I thought there was a real dragon there **blushes** I wish right....

So all in all, I totally reccommend this one, IF you can take the thickness......the head is nice though, it makes me feel like im being stretched out, then it just slips in and lets the ridges go to work .

Two inches in diameter!? Fcuking hell, I struggle getting one thumb in for pokey bum wanks, let alone 50mm...

Originally Posted by vampireuk

How can this not turn anybody on?

Edit: The forums are bloody epic.

Ok so I got my Ridgeback on Friday....and wow. When I opened the box and pulled it out I was filled with excitement ((who wouldn't be right??)) . I had to wait to use it until Monday though, and my what a weekend that was...lol. So Monday finally came.....and I was about ready to explode when I got home from school.....I dashed to my room, grabbed Mr. Ridgey, and headed off to the bathroom for a long time ;).

**skips the boring s***...**

Ok so now that I was all cleaned out and lubed up, ready to go. I slowly started to push him into me, and mmmuuuuurrrrr! It felt sooo good, Once you get past the head, those ridges sure to make for a nice ride . As I started to take more and more of him, I felt the slight "knot" (if thats what you want to call it) beginning to go in, and once it was....well the feeling is just amazing. The thickness of it lets you tie up nicely with him, and gives you a nice full feeling. And once you start to ride him, you really RIDE HIM. When I felt the whole length of him sliding in and out of me like that, I just lost myself. And although it may not be the super soft material, it still feels great. I know I will be enjoying him for many years to come ;)

Plus all this great feeling, mixed with my imagination....well....I actually got so lost in the play that I thought there was a real dragon there **blushes** I wish right....

So all in all, I totally reccommend this one, IF you can take the thickness......the head is nice though, it makes me feel like im being stretched out, then it just slips in and lets the ridges go to work .

My bold, please tell me this is from a teacher ?!?!?!

I also wish these people could fcuk dragons. I would like to watch the aftermath when said dragon gets bored and ends the lovers life with a well aimed burst of fire. What next? Short, hairy, stumpy Hobbit c0cks? Imagine that one. "As i pushed in the Hobbit Dildo i felt complete. It was like Bilbo was using me for his pleasure. I begged him to slip it in my precious".

Lo, and thou must bear the dildo of Ichthyor to the ringpiece of khar-dunash, there to caste it into the crack of eternal doom!

Very messed up!

Just as sick but a bit more down to earth bet there's a few arrser's lurking around in there!

Okay, before we even start, what you want to do is clean yourself out. I think it’s a fair assumption that MOST people on this site (if not all) are male in body, so it is assumed that you’ll be using your Bum, Rectum, or Tailhole (take your pick.)

The Mini Sea Dragon:
Size: Small
Firmness: Soft (3)
colour: Saint Patrick's Day Green
cumtube: No
suction cup: Yes
Notes: Head Broke off, got refund, gave toy away

Fcuk me sideways, only in the land of the Star Spangled Spanner.

Originally Posted by blackrat_scaleyback

I also wish these people could fcuk dragons. I would like to watch the aftermath when said dragon gets bored and ends the lovers life with a well aimed burst of fire. What next? Short, hairy, stumpy Hobbit c0cks? Imagine that one. "As i pushed in the Hobbit Dildo i felt complete. It was like Bilbo was using me for his pleasure. I begged him to slip it in my precious".

Man, Don't ruin Lord of the Rings for me?!?!

Originally Posted by blackrat_scaleyback

I also wish these people could fcuk dragons. I would like to watch the aftermath when said dragon gets bored and ends the lovers life with a well aimed burst of fire. What next? Short, hairy, stumpy Hobbit c0cks? Imagine that one. "As i pushed in the Hobbit Dildo i felt complete. It was like Bilbo was using me for his pleasure. I begged him to slip it in my precious".

It's not called Lord of the Rings for nothing ;)

How would you like to share a pit with one of that lot? What if they talked in their sleep?

Ohgdhcdkiheble -snort- oh yes draconian, more! more! -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz- dfsahdioshioh Ah! AH! AHH! -dribble-

fcuktard Yanks

Originally Posted by futurebootie

Ohgdhcdkiheble -snort- oh yes draconian, more! more! -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz- dfsahdioshioh Ah! AH! AHH! -dribble-

fcuktard Yanks

Has Jane Eyre crystallised your brain?

Originally Posted by brettarider

Just as sick but a bit more down to earth bet there's a few arrser's lurking around in there!

why do I do it, why, oh why? Never follow the link, it's just ferking wrong and the images are burnt on the insides of my eyelids!