you sound gutted blackR :P

Things to remember in Porn world

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy in bed.
11. People in the 70's couldn't shag unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those breasts are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have even the slightest problem with you jamming your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses give BJ's thirty seconds after the examination starts.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily hacked off before joining the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a penis there.
28. Men don't have to beg.
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
30. All women are completely bald.
31. Women really don't mind being picked up off the street and then shagged in a moving van.
32. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
33. Any other girl is a MILF
34:All the best jobs are delivery boys / postmen / pool cleaners & plumbers
35:Despite living in a large mansion women never have the cash to pay for a pizza

My best porn...was kept stashed under my mattress. Until the day i find it in my dads workshop :D

Originally Posted by the_boy_syrup

Things to remember in Porn world

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy in bed.
11. People in the 70's couldn't shag unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those breasts are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have even the slightest problem with you jamming your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses give BJ's thirty seconds after the examination starts.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily hacked off before joining the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a penis there.
28. Men don't have to beg.
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
30. All women are completely bald.
31. Women really don't mind being picked up off the street and then shagged in a moving van.
32. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
33. Any other girl is a MILF
34:All the best jobs are delivery boys / postmen / pool cleaners & plumbers
35:Despite living in a large mansion women never have the cash to pay for a pizza

Are you saying that this list is not true?

The art is alive and well try reading Dashing_Chaps posts

Originally Posted by joey_deacons_lad

The art is alive and well try reading Dashing_Chaps posts

I have but i usually fall asleep half way through.

"I'm here to fix your swimming poll"

"We don't have a swimming pool."

"Ok, lets fcuk!"

Cue ropey 70's guitar solo.

Originally Posted by the_boy_syrup

Things to remember in Porn world

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy in bed.
11. People in the 70's couldn't shag unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those breasts are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have even the slightest problem with you jamming your c*** in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses give BJ's thirty seconds after the examination starts.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily hacked off before joining the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's c***, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a penis there.
28. Men don't have to beg.
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
30. All women are completely bald.
31. Women really don't mind being picked up off the street and then shagged in a moving van.
32. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
33. Any other girl is a MILF
34:All the best jobs are delivery boys / postmen / pool cleaners & plumbers
35:Despite living in a large mansion women never have the cash to pay for a pizza

My bold, you've obviously never watched Milf Hunter or Milf Seeker then :D

Originally Posted by blackrat_scaleyback

Originally Posted by joey_deacons_lad

The art is alive and well try reading Dashing_Chaps posts

I have but i usually fall asleep half way through.

If that dribble qualifies as p0rn then I shall become celibate

I used to know guy who translated for porn mags. He was an ex-male stripper and a bit of a nutter so if you've read any of his work there's bound to be some bizarre comments in there.