Discuss Claude the Centipede in Miscellaneous Jokes on The Army Rumour Service; Albert was very lonely and so he decided life would be better if he had a pet. So he went to the pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual ...
Albert was very lonely and so he decided life would be better if he had a pet. So he went to the pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for it, called the centipede Claude and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub to have a drink.
He asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to come down to the pub with me and have a beer?'
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again,
'Claude! How about us going to the pub for a drink?'
Again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, 'Oi, Claude mate! Would you like to go to The Red Lion and have a drink with me?'
A little voice came out of the box:...........
'I heard you the first time! I'm putting my Fucking shoes on!!!!'