ARmy Rumour SErvice

**taboo** · 26-02-2012, 21:16

I wonder when people stopped getting legal aid for child custody issues.My son got legal aid in 2008 even though he was a serving soldier.she had already been removed from the mother though.
He is again going through a similar thing with his son but he is only able to get legal aid as he is out of work and is on a course.

Its not just the absent parent who suffers.I have seen my grandson once and he is nearly 8 months old,previously I had seen my granddaughter only a handful of times in 3 years.I will never understand how any parent,male or female can use their child to score points over the other parent.

**Mr_Snakey** · 26-02-2012, 23:55

I went through hell from '94-98 trying to see my daughter. Mum is Italian and got legal aid, I was working & had to represent myself a few times. I was chasing custody. I was very close too. She was loosing and sent the child to the grandparents' over there.

My daughter got in touch out of the blue in 2009 age 16 after ten + years of silence.

Don't give up, don't be rash and understand that it is not just you who has to make that awful journey.

**duckieone** · 27-02-2012, 09:37

some very emotional stories on this thread so far....and this is just a slice of life in the UK...

im really wondering if the law needs a revamp in order to give both parents equal amounts of daily / weekly contact with there children.

to me the law seems too one sided towards the mothers or the primary carer of the children. chldren are caught up in the middle of any family breakup and therefore innocent, altho in many cases used as pawns by the parent to get back at an ex partner. this is immoral and unfair but sadly a common trend.

i thought i had gone thro the grinder and was somewhat alone, writing my original post on here has helped me in many ways - in knowing that i am not alone and reading others life stories has brought a tear to my eye, i therefore feel lucky that i do have contact via mobile comms, facebook and i do see my daughters - albeit not as frequent as i would like - maybe i am being greedy?....wanting too much? maybe i should just be thankfull for what contact i presently have?...

those of you who have shared your experiences i truely sympathise with you all...i am also happy that no one has "crayoned" on this thread...

i wish those on here the very best of luck in there efforts to gain any form of contact with there children, believe me when it does happen it will truely blow you away and be a moment you will cherish for the rest of your lives...the day my youngest foned me out of the blue saying she had found my number on an email in her deleted items will remain with me forever...but more importantly my youngest knows i was always there for her and it wasnt my fault..

kids know!...

I believe big Dave made noises about changing the law so that courts can no longer favour the mothers. From all of the disheartening stories on this thread it appears that natural justice does not get factored in by the courts. Don't give up gents.

**Bushmills** · 27-02-2012, 09:46

Originally Posted by threesend

Background.

Seperated in 2008, divorced since May 2009, 2 children. Have been paying CSA @20% net income for 2 children so no worries on the financial front. Didnt see/speak or have any contact with either of my children for approx 16months - even tho i sent letter / emails / cards xmas and birthday gifts...
Couldnt afford to go thro the courts etc for contact with kids as ex was saying they no longer wanted "f" all to do with me.....then out of the blue my youngest called me (feb 2011) and told me that they had found my phone number etc in an email in the deleted items on there email account...i have no contact with my ex..all contact is done thro my daughters..

Situation..

since then i have been seeing them on the first weekend of the month, managed to organise a posting closer to where they now live (1 hour away instead of 6 hours!)...

they have both been down to stay with me and i have been up to see them every wednesday evening for dinner etc...

now the ex is realising that with the renewed contact and the great times we are having she is starting to put "obstacles" in the way.....such as we are all busy that particular weekend and on that wednesday we are off out to see friends etc - you get the picture!?...

now as most of you know being in the army and organising time to see your children etc can be somewhat difficult - im not expecting every weekend off to spend with them..also with the operational tempo it is also difficult with various STA courses..

i am seriously contemplating a court order, in order to see my daughters for one full weekend a month and every wednesday evening, until i am deployed again..(deploy on H17) then resumed again once i am back in UK....

does anyone have any info on ho,w i go about applying for this?....and will it cost me? as finances are proper tight at the moment.

Mate I feel for you but the only way of dealing with this is through a good solicitor.

Don't lose your temper whatever the provocation the bitch puts you through and keep a record of all your attempts to see your kids so that you can show them when they get older.

Good luck mate, if they didn't have c*nts, we'd throw rocks at them.

PS There is a lot of good advice on this thread and I think it should become a sticky as this bollix is hard for all of us to deal with.

**Blokeonabike** · 27-02-2012, 11:52

If you have a bad relationship with the ex, as many of us do, be aware from the outset that she will try to control your future life and the kids are her best weapon for doing so. The more you love them, the more she can use it against you. This is one of those times in life when it seems as though the better a person you are, the worse the outcome will be for you. But hang in there.

Do whatever you can to keep in contact, no matter how hard the ex may make it for you. Kids are not stupid and the ex will not be able to manipulate them forever.

It is a sad fact that Army life will get in the way and your regular absence for extended periods of time will be used against you in court by your ex. Acknowledge that in your own mind and be realistic about your expected outcomes.

For me personally, my new wife helped me tremendously in getting things into perspective and seeing through the manipulative nature of my ex. Dont try to cope alone - talk to friends/relatives/parents or whoever you have got for support. And finally - get legal representation. Yes it is expensive but you will be taken to the cleaners without it.

**threesend** · 27-02-2012, 17:10

many thanks to those who have contributed so far on this thread....some old and bold usernames i recognise from many years ago!

i am seeing my daughters, i have mobile comms and a social networking site in which to talk to them on, but what i lack is a pre arranged time during the month in which to have them with me!..

as i stated earlier id like them for one full weekend a month - say the first weekend etc...but this isnt always a viable option - kids clubs / army life etc...all contribute to "getting in the way"...i make every effort to chat to them at least every other day etc...

the ex is fully aware of the good times me and my daughters are having when i see them!...this causes a lot of resentment towards me for some reason!?..

my daughters are fully aware of what has gone on in the past, and are fully aware of what there mum is trying to do - i dont need to spell it out to them - they have eyes and ears!..

i shall seek some legal advice over the coming weeks regarding this, but what i am afraid of is the ex trying in some way to manipulate the situation and yet again making me the bad person!...

once again many thanks for sharing your stories and contributing to this thread...

@jack h - if you have fuck all to contribute apart from piss poor attempts to "hijack" a serious thread then please take the hint and fuck off to the NAAFI...

**Jack H** · 27-02-2012, 17:19

Originally Posted by threesend

many thanks to those who have contributed so far on this thread....some old and bold usernames i recognise from many years ago!

i am seeing my daughters, i have mobile comms and a social networking site in which to talk to them on, but what i lack is a pre arranged time during the month in which to have them with me!..

as i stated earlier id like them for one full weekend a month - say the first weekend etc...but this isnt always a viable option - kids clubs / army life etc...all contribute to "getting in the way"...i make every effort to chat to them at least every other day etc...

the ex is fully aware of the good times me and my daughters are having when i see them!...this causes a lot of resentment towards me for some reason!?..

my daughters are fully aware of what has gone on in the past, and are fully aware of what there mum is trying to do - i dont need to spell it out to them - they have eyes and ears!..

i shall seek some legal advice over the coming weeks regarding this, but what i am afraid of is the ex trying in some way to manipulate the situation and yet again making me the bad person!...

once again many thanks for sharing your stories and contributing to this thread...

@jack h - if you have fuck all to contribute apart from piss poor attempts to "hijack" a serious thread then please take the hint and fuck off to the NAAFI...

Threesend...apologies for my comments..it wasnt my intention to hijack your thread at all..hence why I removed my unthought-out comments...I DO have knowledge of the subject and wish you well in your progress. Again..apologies from me to you.

**Arte_et_Marte** · 27-02-2012, 17:32

In the spirit of the Jack H apology, I have also removed two posts.

**BiscuitsAB** · 27-02-2012, 17:41

There is light at the end of the tunnel gents.

My 19 year old son is at Uni now and I have a good relationship with him. My 15 year old is no longer getting battered by his mother as he is now 6' 3" and just gives her a "fuck off" look. I played the long game with the ex ( who is as bitter and twisted as a dandelion root with about as much common sense ) the youngest despises her for the games shes played over the last few years. The ex even bullies her mum who lives with her, so when her mum pops her clogs and the youngest has signed up the bitter twisted woman will be sitting around with no one in her life, and to be frank its serves her right!

**legal_eagle** · 04-06-2012, 00:26

I know I'm late to this thread so you may have progressed the matter - but I would say you should make a s.8 application for a contact order yourself as a litigant in person - as mentioned before judges are generally quite fair in those circumstances. It is not uncommon for people to do this themselves and they are usually quite simple matters so you won't be destroyed if you have to face a solicitor or barrister in court. The arguments are usually factual and do not contain many legal technicalities in which you can be 'out-played'

I say all this as one of the hated lawyers referred to on this and other threads and I have a bit of family law experience. I've seen many people represent themselves quite competently in s.8 hearings. You may even find that the judge has greater sympathy for you as the unrepresented part who stands up and says, 'i only want to see my children on a reasonably regular basis so they can have a relationship with their father'. DON'T say anything nasty about your ex no matter how much you want to - it is often a good idea (no matter how much it sticks in your throat) to say that you think she is a good mother and you don't begrudge her custody, you just want a fair contact order. Always take the moral high ground.

If your children want to see you then the odds are often stacked in your favour - in the abscence of any allegations of abuse you stand a very good chance of obtaining an order. You may have to go to mediation first and you should state the you are willing to do so - always try to appear that you are the reasonable party. If she takes this seriously you may even get the order by consent, quite often the solicitors will advise the other party to consent rather than risk losing in court.

I don't often defend fellow solicitors because there are definitely some real sharks out there, but in my experience family lawyers do not draw the process out deliberately to make money, it is almost invariably one or both of the parties being bitter and bloody minded, shamelessly using the children for point scoring revenge.

These links will set you on the road if you decide it's the way you want to go:

http://hmctscourtfinder.justice.gov....s/c100-eng.pdf

The court fee is £200

http://hmctscourtfinder.justice.gov..../ex050-eng.pdf

When you file the application, go to the court in person rather than posting it and ask the court staff what else is required of you, they are usually quite helpful.

Best of luck