ARmy Rumour SErvice

Reminds me of the Estate Warden's clerk in Dodesheide, Oz in the mid-80s. He would openly boast about having the civvy painters wrapped around his little finger and he got his house decorated every year. Annoyed an awful lot of pads whose house only ever came up for decorating after they had gone. *

Got his comeuppance when he decided he needed the small bedroom for a baby daughter on the way. In his best German (which was only good in his own mind) he got the painters in. Told them to paint the small bedroom pink and every other room the same colour.

It seemed the civvy painters didn't like him that much either. He came home from work to find they'd painted the small bedroom pink and every other room in the house the same colour: pink.

He had to live with that colour scheme for a while.

________________________________
* I awoke one night in my newly taken over quarter to the sound of running water. Light on, investigate: water was pouring from the window-sill onto the floor. I put down towels to soak it up and rolled the carpet away.

Next morning I investigated further. I discovered that I could slide a sheet of paper between the window frame and the sill which did not touch at all. I took this to the Estate Office where the Warrant Officer told me I was stupid or something and it was condensation: get over it.

I took it to our QM, who had a word with the Estate Warden. The QM got back to me. "You're stupid. It's condensation. Get over it." He was not to be convinced. Everybody toe the party line and screw Joe at the bottom of the pile. That would be me.

I went home and opened the window to have a look outside. A foot-long piece of the window frame fell off. Next morning I walked into the QM's Office, showed him the necessary courtesies and smacked the piece of wood on his desk. "What's that Lcpl Alien?"

"Condensation, Sir."

He came down, took one look, had a word with the Estate Warden. Couple of weeks later they started fitting double-glazed units on that side of the house. The worker put his hands on my bedroom window frame, which fell out and shattered into nothing on the outside cellar steps.

By the end of the year they had fitted double-glazed units along the whole of Buchenstrasse, including the leeward side of our house.

Moral of the story. If you have a genuine grievance, don't be fobbed off. Or as one of my last Confidential Reports put it, "Sergeant Alien does not tolerate stupidity, regardless of rank."

There was one lad who was a piss artist and a heavy sleeper. One night before an RSMs parade, he got pissed, and some of the lads carried him, bed and all, onto the barrack square, and tucked him in for a night under the stars. The first this lad knew about it was at 0800hrs, when the RSM poked him awake with his pace stick.

Originally Posted by WolvoExPunk

There was one lad who was a piss artist and a heavy sleeper. One night before an RSMs parade, he got pissed, and some of the lads carried him, bed and all, onto the barrack square, and tucked him in for a night under the stars. The first this lad knew about it was at 0800hrs, when the RSM poked him awake with his pace stick.

Not all of that is a myth. I (with a little help) have done it before. She snored, so we tucked her up and put her outside. We may or may have not thrown chinese crackers on her head as well.

Originally Posted by WolvoExPunk

There was one lad who was a piss artist and a heavy sleeper. One night before an RSMs parade, he got pissed, and some of the lads carried him, bed and all, onto the barrack square, and tucked him in for a night under the stars. The first this lad knew about it was at 0800hrs, when the RSM poked him awake with his pace stick.

That one's definitely happened (although I don't remember if it was the night before an RSM's or whether he was just found asleep on the square).

I don't know if this has already been said at all, but it wasn't on the few pages I flicked through.
There has been no mention of camouflage paint.
Surely at least one of you has been sent to go and get a tin of it?

Originally Posted by pjm

I don't know if this has already been said at all, but it wasn't on the few pages I flicked through.
There has been no mention of camouflage paint.
Surely at least one of you has been sent to go and get a tin of it?

Because it's not an urban myth? I got in the shit on my 2nd day at 16 FdAmb for refusing to go and get some. Seems he wanted a tin of green and a tin of black.

or white paint for the last post .

Sent the new crewman to the Tech Stores for 2 10ma Short Circuits for the C41,
after 20mins I went to tell him to get back to Rear Link 'cos it was a wind up.

"Oh, OK, you'd better tell the Storeman then, 'cos he's been looking for the fcukers
for the last 15mins"

Dontcha just love 'em!

I heard this from a Blues n Goons guy.

New Troopy is a right cnut, Regt on Ex. SLTA, pissing it down as usual, Troopy fcuks
off for 'O' Gp, leaving Tank and Crew parked near half a lake of rainwater.
Full Screw says " Right lads, stick one of the Whip AEs in the middle"
they move the Chieftain away and are stood next to the lake looking at two ft. of AE
sticking out of the water.

Cpl. is scratching his head when Troopy returns, "Where's the Wagon, Cpl"
"Sunk, Sir, fcuking sunk"
Cue bunny rabbit impression from Troopy, who disappears at a great rate of knots and
returns with a smiling Stickman.
"There RSM I told you, didn't I"
RSM....."Tpr, get that fcuking antenna, now"

Troopy goes a funny colour, RSM goes back to his brew, Crew smile and wink at
ridiculed Troopy......all is well with the world!