Thread: Forces Songs

What about that other old favourite, which I first learned off my old Grandad Joe, who had done his bit with the Cheshires on the Somme. I was about 5 at the time. He wasnt half proud of me when I sang it on me own for the first time.

"Fuk em all, Fuk em all
The long and the short, and the tall.
Fuk all the Sergeants and WO1,s,
Fuk all the Corporals,and their bleeding sons.
Coz we,re saying good bye to them all
The long and the short and the tall,
You,ll get no promotion this side of the Ocean,
So cheer up me lads. FUK EM ALL."

When I sing that when I,m blootered now, I get that feeling of pride in my country, and Myself, and finish off the night, in time honoured fashion, by spewing up over some cunt, unfortunate enough to be within range, :D

Democritus, pic of March 11th, Liverpool. KDG coming home!
'Twas on the good ship Venus, by god you should have seen us,
The figure head was a whore in bed and the mast was a blackmans penis.

The captain's name was Hall, he only had one ball,
With this one knacker he used to roll tobacco on the cabin wall.

The mates name was Tugger, he was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel s*** from one ship to another.

The captains daughter Mabel, each time that she was able,
Would fornicate the second mate across the cabin table.

The cabin boy's name was Tipper, he was a dirty nipper,
He filled his arse with broken glass and circumsised the skipper.

The captains other daughter, fell into the water,
And girlish squeals revealed that eels had found her sexual quarter.

It was in our China station, that we gained our reputation,
When we sank a junk with a load of spunk by mutual masturbation.
.................................................. .................................................. ..

Originally Posted by BenghaziBandit

De ye ken John Peel,
With his balls of steel,
His prick made of brass,
He stuck it up a lass,
The lass was nice so he stuck it up twice,
And he died with the horn in the morning.

Two variations that I've heard.......

D'ye ken John Peel
With a c0ck like an eel.
His wife is a heel
She won't let him feel
And she lies on her side
So he can't get a ride
So he wakes with a horn every morning

---------------

D'ye ken John Peel
With his coat so gay
He's a dirty old sod
So the people say
He can't toss it off
In the normal way
So his hounds lick his horn in the morning

Originally Posted by fridge_magnet

Good stuff fellas. Anyone recall the lyrics to any of these. Any other regiment-specific one?

In case it passed you by, "The galloping 5&9s" was regiment-specific to 15th/19th The King's Royal Hussars, known affectionately internally (and less affectionately externally in that bantering way of the RAC) as 5&9s.

Clearly the song is dateable to between 1922 (when 15H and 19H amalgamated) and 1939 when they mechanised).

I first heard it about 1978 (when jirgas in German woods came back onto the plot on return to BAOR) and by about 1980 all the old school who knew seem to have left.

Sadly I can find no information about the song.

The tune was reminiscent of the original 1950s - 1960s Grandstand theme tune, in turn not dissimilar to that of Radio 5's Saturday Sports Report at 5pm.

Further to Benghazi's book advice, there is an album for sale on iTunes called 'Come On Lads...' by Sods' Opera that includes the full (i.e. uncensored) versions of

I Haven't Seen Old Hitler
The D-Day Dodgers
Ode to a Gezira Lovely
Tins
The Ballad of Wadi Maktilla
The Dying Soldier
Service Police Song
Kiss Me Goodnight Sergeant-Major
Thanks for the Memory
Come On Chaps
The Firth of Forth
Down the Mine
The Sailor's Wife
Longmoor
I Don't Want to Join the Army (Medley)
Bloody Orkney
We Are the Boys
Africa Star
The Sinking of the Graf Spee
My Bomber Lies Over the Ocean
When This Bloody War Is Over
The Gay Caballero
Onward 15 Army Group
The Highland Division's Farewell to Sicily'
Bless' 'em All

Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two but very small,
Himmler is very similar,
But poor old Goebles has no balls at all!
.................................................. ........................
Along the Street of a Thousand arseholes,
By the door of the Swinging Tit,
There stands a chinese maiden,
By the name of Oo Flung S***.

Come to me my bag of s***,
He said with his dick in his hand,
My love for you will last as long,
As snow in the desert sand.

His eyse were like gleaming pi** bowls,
As he ****ed his Sunday hat,
Go home you slant eyed b***ard,
Go home, and **** the cat.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

We are the Barce Bandits,
'C' Squadron KDG,
We can not shoot, we can not fight,
What f*** all use are we,
When we get back to Blighty, King George he will say,
"By jove old fruits, they're p***ed as newts ,
They're the pride of the Cavalry".
.................................................. .......................
When we get back to Blighty,
I hope it won't be long,
I'm going to sort the b***ard out,
Who wrote the Desert Song.

WE'll send him back to Libya,
And stand him in a ring,
And all the lads around him shout,
"Sing up you b***ard sing!"

Originally Posted by Gun_Brickie

Originally Posted by BenghaziBandit

De ye ken John Peel,
With his balls of steel,
His prick made of brass,
He stuck it up a lass,
The lass was nice so he stuck it up twice,
And he died with the horn in the morning.

Two variations that I've heard.......

D'ye ken John Peel
With a c0ck like an eel.
His wife is a heel
She won't let him feel
And she lies on her side
So he can't get a ride
So he wakes with a horn every morning

---------------

D'ye ken John Peel
With his coat so gay
He's a dirty old sod
So the people say
He can't toss it off
In the normal way
So his hounds lick his horn in the morning

D'ye ken John Peel
With his balls of steel
And his pr1ck of brass
And his corrugated arrse
D'ye ken John Peel
Aye ah ken him very weel
He aye w@anks himself in the mornin'

Originally Posted by BenghaziBandit

Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two but very small,
Himmler is very similar,
But poor old Goebles has no balls at all!
.................................................. ........................
Along the Street of a Thousand arseholes,
By the door of the Swinging Tit,
There stands a chinese maiden,
By the name of Oo Flung S***.

Come to me my bag of s***,
He said with his dick in his hand,
My love for you will last as long,
As snow in the desert sand.

His eyse were like gleaming pi** bowls,
As he ****ed his Sunday hat,
Go home you slant eyed b***ard,
Go home, and **** the cat.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Not for the PC but I'll bet you know the words to Queen Farida.

My dad does and sings them when he gets in his cups

Edited to add - you may find this interesting. Nice to see my countrymen lived up to their usual high standards Scots Wha Hae

http://2ndww.blogspot.com/2006/04/ol...were-days.html

Originally Posted by BenghaziBandit

Democritus, pic of March 11th, Liverpool. KDG coming home!
'Twas on the good ship Venus, by god you should have seen us,
The figure head was a whore in bed and the mast was a blackmans penis.

The captain's name was Hall, he only had one ball,
With this one knacker he used to roll tobacco on the cabin wall.

The mates name was Tugger, he was a dirty bugger,
He wasn't fit to shovel s*** from one ship to another.

The captains daughter Mabel, each time that she was able,
Would fornicate the second mate across the cabin table.

The cabin boy's name was Tipper, he was a dirty nipper,
He filled his arse with broken glass and circumsised the skipper.

The captains other daughter, fell into the water,
And girlish squeals revealed that eels had found her sexual quarter.

It was in our China station, that we gained our reputation,
When we sank a junk with a load of spunk by mutual masturbation.
.................................................. .................................................. ..

Great photo, BB - is that you at bottom right, ready to take the lads up Lime St for a spot of nookie?

I hadn't heard the verse about the captain's other daughter - brilliant! And another cabin boy version was:

'The cabin boy, the cabin boy, the dirty little nipper
We stretched some gum across his bum and circumcised the skipper.'

Father Abrahams...?

Has that been done yet?

Properly that is... naked.

Originally Posted by Democritus

I hadn't heard the verse about the captain's other daughter - brilliant! And another cabin boy version was:

'The cabin boy, the cabin boy, the dirty little nipper
We stretched some gum across his bum and circumcised the skipper.'

In the 70s there were several books of Rugby Songs which contained most of the non-army songs we sang. ISTR that beside The Good Ship Venus which spawned most of these verses was The North Atlantic Squadron, whose mitre exactly matched that of TGSV even if the book of Rugby Songs gave us no clue as to the tune behind NAS.

IIRC, where TGSV referred to broken glass and circumcising the skipper, NAS referred to bubble gum and vulcanising the skipper, because of course bubble gum would not lead to circumcision. Thus:

They stuffed his bum with bubble gum
And circumcised the skipper.

I always felt that the rugby players of the 60s who wrote the books of rugby songs into the 70s must have done their National Service and picked up squaddy songs before selling them as rugby songs because rugby was more a marketable vehicle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CBSp...eature=related

The commentator towards the end has me in stitches, at around the 2.50 mark.

Another song that came to me yesterday was this. Each verse was sung first by someone with a singing voice to the tune of the hymn "All People That On Earth Do Dwell" then repeated by all to another tune (the only one I can remember was the tango), thus:

As I was walking through a wood
I sh!t myself I knew I would
I cried for help but no help came
And so I sh!t myself again

TANGO!

(repeat to tango)

As I was walking through Saint Paul's
A lady grabbed me by the balls
I cried for help but no help came
And so she grabbed by balls again.

I made up a third verse:

As I was pulling on my pud
I come my duff I knew I would
I cried out loud just as I came
And so I pulled my pud again.

Democritus, yes, that's me on the right but it was evidntly after a run out cos I'm wearing my best overalls!! and it's Libya.
But the Lime St, triggered a thought, Eddy (RIP) on the photo came from Runcorn and he taught me the following ditty.
Maggy Mae.
Now gather round me sailor boys and listen to my tale,
And when you've heard it you'll all pity me,
I was like a god damn fool in the port of Liverpool,
The first time that I came home from sea.

I was sailing with the dawn on the good ship 'Sally Horn',
Nine Pound Ten a month was all my pay,
I was loaded up with gin so got easily taken in,
By a little gel by the name of Maggie Mae.

How well do I remember when I first met Maggie Mae,
She was cruising up and down in Cannon Place,
Her figure was devine like a frigate of the line,
So me being a sailor I gave chase.

But next morning when I woke my heart was sad and broke,
For no jacket, pants or waistcoat could I find,
When I asked her where they were she answerd "my young sir,
They're down at Pappas' pawn shop on the line.

To the pawn shop I did go but no tickets could I show,
So the coppers came and took that gel away,
For she robbed so many sailors and she robbed too many whalers,
That she'll never walk down Lime St. any more.
.................................................. ....................
Another Barce Pic. (Oh I loved that old Chev )