Useful

**Sabre** · 07-04-2005, 08:45

how do you get a baby in a glass?
Use a blender!
[hr]
whats the worse thing about eating a bald cnut?

Putting the nappy back on afterwards
[hr]

whats the hardest part of cooking a vegitable?

Getting the wheelchair in the pot!

[hr]

What blue and wiggles?

Baby in a carrier bag

What green and doesnt?

same baby 3 weeks later

[hr]
What's small brown and warm and found in the back of little boys underwear?
Michael Jacksons Hand!

[hr]

**Readyfourzero** · 07-04-2005, 08:50

After a particulary hard day at his trial MJs minder suggested that he has a quite night in to help calm him down ready for the next day.

'Why don't you get yourself a film Michael you like films'.

'What a great idea!' says Michael ' Can we get Aladin?'

'Aren't you in enough trouble'

**URFA** · 07-04-2005, 11:04

How do you know when your sisters on?

Your Dads c0ck tastes funny!

**wellyhead** · 07-04-2005, 11:08

Heard at a Rangers match last weekend

Pope Dies
Celtic Lose

If Carlsberg did weekends.......

**Ozgerbobble** · 07-04-2005, 12:33

Ben Affleck goes to the doctors and says,
"Doctor doctor, every time I look in the
mirror I get aroused."

The doctor replies, "I'm not surprised...
you're a cunt."

**Falling-Plate** · 07-04-2005, 12:44

What's better than winning a gold medal at the paralympics?

Not being a spastic!

An SS guard at a consentration camp is inspecting a line of prisoners when he hears a sneeze
"Who sneezed?" he asks
No one answers so he shoots five
"Who sneezed?"
No answer, so he shoots five more
"Who sneezed?"
Still no answer so five more are gunned down
"Who sneezed?"
An old man puts his hand up
"Come here" says the guard, the old man shuffles up.
"So, you sneezed eh?" The old guy nods,
"Bless you."

What's worse than Michael Jackson babysitting your kids?

Ian Huntley giving them a bath.

**shortfuse** · 07-04-2005, 13:34

did you hear about the thalydomide porn star ??

he had an arm like a babies c0ck.

**poorlytrainedidiot** · 07-04-2005, 13:41

what does gay stand for?

Got aids yet?

what does aids stand for?

anally injected death sentence..

**Mighty_doh_nut** · 07-04-2005, 14:22

Originally Posted by poorlytrainedidiot

what does gay stand for?

Got aids yet?

what does aids stand for?

anally injected death sentence..

Bloody hell mate, where do you live? .............. 1985? :D

.................................................. .................................................. ....

Difference between a lorry loads of marbles and a lorry load of babies?

Can't unload the marbles with a pitch fork

**Mutt** · 07-04-2005, 14:30

Ok, I admit I nicked this off BigJobs, and christ knows where he got it from, but:

How many mongs can you fit in a police car?

Six

Two in the front, three in the back, and one on the roof going 'MLAAARmlaarMLAARmlaarMLAARmlaar'!