ARmy Rumour SErvice

**Cuddles** · 19-01-2007, 20:53

Originally Posted by newy921

We once had a pot recruit that was the spitting image of Gerry Adams. He was practically stalking the recruiting team by turning up at all the recruiting shows. His questions about joining the TA were:

1. He didn`t have a washing machine, could we fund his laundry bill for his uniform.

2. If he joined would he be given some grenades?

Where do all these retards come from??

I believe Gerry Adams is from West Belfast...

**Scrote** · 21-01-2007, 10:40

Originally Posted by 303SMLE

Originally Posted by spoomo

Originally Posted by 303SMLE

We had another lad who had a bit of an anger management problem and chinned a Corporal, that was quite entertaining. :D (From a safe distance, granted.)

What happened to him then?

He passed out in the end I believe. The whole thing was not pursued because the Corporal was doing a good impression of being steaming drunk at the time, and he did hit the recruit first. I gather they both went to see someone important and signed a statement that they wouldn't pursue matters further; and they both got shunted sideways to different platoons etc.

That said, the recruit still had a hell of a gob on him.

might this recruit be ginger by any chance? cic done march '06?

**nastyberganchafe** · 21-01-2007, 12:12

I like this topic, its got my brain dredging up some right cracking examples of human deformity in uniform...

-We had a lad on phase one field weekend change into his pjyamas in the harbour area. I heard they were paisley...

-Ex Para, Rhodesian army dad, TA is sh@t, Rhodesian SAS are better blah blah type of bloke who had 3 seperate bandages/supports to whip out to avoid any phys, turned out he'd done about a fortnight in regular para reg before wussing out. We got rid of him by using him as an aiming point when loading up the tonner, lucky we were only throwing doss bags.

-Young Khan who had never run in his life subjected to a 4 miler with 25lbs at Pirbright, leaning out the tonner on the way back puking up. Lovely corporal looking after him "Thats it Khan, chuck it up, chuck it up Khan, Khan, chucka, chucka Khan, chucka Khan let me rock you, let me rock you chucka khan... etc etc" on the spot comedy moment, still p'ss myself 4 years latter. He never turned up again...

-Ex 21 recruit chap came to us, did very well and got best recruit etc but didn't know how to salute... obvioulsy we helped him out, longest way up, shortest way down etc with the LEFT hand... whats funny is the officer taking the salute never noticed and I swear returned it with the left as well. (last seen going regular at Sandhurst!)

-Then there way my mate Dangerous Dan doing his jumps at Brize. Having removed his NHS 'joe 90' specs he couldn't see the jump lights, which was un lucky as he was first man in the stick. Que 'red on' and our plucky hero immediatley attempts to launch himself out over the M40 to Birmingham motorway, with several PJI's attempting to drag him back in. He said he got a specially concocted 'best student' certifcate, as praise for still being alive...

Then there was the inappropriatley named Pvt Warman, who started physically crying becasue no one would lend him a pencil for the millioneth time. Without being cruel he must have been one chromazone away from being downs syndrome only without the personallity. He didn't last long.

Then there was the bloke who started flapping because his as yet undiscovered piles were bleeding profusely before a tab, but as that was me I'll shut up!

Odd or just 'special'?

**millionwords** · 21-01-2007, 22:03

On my recruits course there were SO MANY weirdos.

The best one was one of these to Jordie sisters obviously the only way of defining between them being the last 3 digits of their numbers when you couldn't see them.

Anyway were were on the ranges, and the section commander wanted to know something off one or the other, one answered and he said "last three" implying digits, and she said "URA"...the letters of her name...

Well it seemed more ridiculous when I was there anyway.

Same two sisters, and one other lass, who I SWEAR was from another planet, said to me out on exercise...."I can't stand camping, I didn't think we'd have to in the TA".....Pardon???

**MicknDarcyJo** · 21-01-2007, 22:14

While assisting with recruiting with a certain unit in the West Mids, we had a potential recruit come in for an interview carrying a Bergan and a couple of holdalls....Turned out he'd been and bought himself absolutely everything he could possibly need throughout a TA career - Including Blues, Mess dress, body armour, rank slides up to and including CSM, respirator, assault vest and 5.56 mags.....

He then sat and happily claimed he'd been binned during phase 1 with the regs, for pointing a loaded weapon at the DS on the ranges and various other 'small mistakes' as he put it.....

He wasnt invited back, though I did offer him 50 quid for the kit.....

MnDJ

**benjaminw1** · 22-01-2007, 13:17

Reverse Sting...

When I slid across to the HAC from the TA Slime, I was greeted by, shall we say, a hint of frost, from several ex-footguardees. The "chap" who had told me about this August Corps had decided to tell all and sundry I was ex-reg/MI6(!) as opposed to a STAB lancejack which is what I was...

After a full and frank exchange of views said chap retracted his statement in the presence of the real Old and Bold; not suprisingly he turned his kit in shortly after when stuff used to go missing from the changing rooms.

Whiffler may recall this fellow.

**Hantslad** · 23-01-2007, 08:02

Errm, one recruit who turned up the week after being issued his kit, had sewn some para wings to his combat jacket - His reason? He thought he was entitled to as his great uncle had served with Airborne Forces at Arnhem.

As for CS immunity, a good mate of mine was immune. The NBC instructor got the arrse with him as he started to tell his second joke int he chamber with no effects from the CS!

**ugly** · 23-01-2007, 09:03

At IJLB after a bout 8 goes in the Gas chamber the whole section stood inside and sang the cow kicked nelly in the belly last night. The Pln Sgt was impressed. The stench of CS stayed in my resi for about 6 years!

**Rab658** · 23-01-2007, 09:15

We had a recruit who on his first weekend (in 1989) asked the PSI "when can I apply for a personal protection weapon ?".

Binned very quickly..

**whiffler** · 23-01-2007, 09:57

Originally Posted by benjaminw1

Reverse Sting...

When I slid across to the HAC from the TA Slime, I was greeted by, shall we say, a hint of frost, from several ex-footguardees. The "chap" who had told me about this August Corps had decided to tell all and sundry I was ex-reg/MI6(!) as opposed to a STAB lancejack which is what I was...

After a full and frank exchange of views said chap retracted his statement in the presence of the real Old and Bold; not suprisingly he turned his kit in shortly after when stuff used to go missing from the changing rooms.

Whiffler may recall this fellow.

Ah yes, boy N******. 6'3" of normality when recruited but went downhill somewhat. His name came up in a conversation about that pork pie auction.

he was on my recruits course, along with the identical R****** twins who played each other on occasion to tease the DS. They tended to mutter and the effect was to sound like the sound track of Zulu - where they're attacking and chanting out of synch.

Another oddity (who didn't come to the Drums) was a real Monty lookalike, by the name(s) of Rupert something something-else B d'A***** S*****. OK, I made up the Smythe bit and can't remember the other names, but they were there.

He was lean & tall'ish but looked fit enough, yet give him anything to carry and his legs would buckle .... not necessarily at the knee. The odd things was that they allowed him to complete the course but not pass out - we suspected there was some family willing him to carry on a tradition, but not with enough clout to get him into the regiment.

Another odd recruit was Mu**en. Rumours were reaching us of someone 'special' being on the course, but he did indeed pass out. He was keen, fit and not without intelligence. However, he occasionally did something totally off-the-wall.

Eventually he was assigned to Colonel W*****s, who soon became very unnerved. This was an ex-SAS man who had run the LRRPS and had seen much action (oh, and who had the fortresses on Alderney on his signature). What unnerved the Colonel was that for the first time he had come up against a total unquantifiable danger. Regimental Stick Insect may recall more details of Mu**en's deeds.