also someone has posted on a navy page, again,
that was't me

Originally Posted by asha

also someone has posted on a navy page, again,
that was't me

Seems you've upset someone, wonder why and how.

Is this how people solve their disputes now???? pretending to be each other via the internet???? I thouht punching someone was still acceptable, damn technology.

the person in question turned out to be an actor I worked with when i was at college, that was over 6 years ago, i guess i did'nt reply to his e-mail that he sent me a month or so ago, and so he must have googled my name to see what iam up to (which is quite scary, stalker stuff) found this post!!!! and then joined the site to diss me in front of 4000 people,

anyway i don't want this thread to turn into something that it was'nt intended to be, regarding the navy and airforce posts it looks as though someone was trying to help me, by spreading the word, but this caused confusion, people thought i was just casting the net out, they still included my contact details for my e-mail, so i think that was just someone helping, i was unaware of those sites also.

the script is coming along now and i will be meeting a few Manchester based soldiers, if there are any other Manchester based soldiers that want to meet up for a chat and a beer, let me know, PM me.

Mark

Sorry for the long wait, been researching, talking and thinking, and tonight actully started writing the new draft, under orders from you lot, its full of spelling mistakes and is'nt laid out properly and some bits are unfininsed but hopefully gives you a feeling of what iam trying to do? its a film about discrimination in certain parts of the country and is based on a true story, from a post on arrse.

Big Boys don’t send postcards

Draft one

Titles: Northwest Vision and Media and Asha Films Present

Title: ‘Big Boys Don’t send Postcards’

Scene 1

A Montage of ‘Helmet Cam’ footage shot in Afganistan, scenes of war intercut with scenes of everyday soldiers life in ‘Helmend Province’ Afganistan, this is intercut with a news report by Northwest today style program, a parade, handshakes, a regiment of soldiers are given the key to the city’

(V.O) Location News Reporter
‘Hundreds of people lined the streets, to welcome home, the lads from ‘Regiment’after there 4 month tour of Helmend province, In Afghanistan, today is a proud moment for the people of this city and the family and friends of the returning soldiers.

More Footage of the Parade and the people waving flags, cheerful scenes,

Cut to:

A News Reporter interviews Lewis and Sickboy

Reporter
So, today is a very special day, how does it make you feel

Lewis
Its good to be home again with family and me bird

Reporter
Do you have any plans to celebrate tonight

Sickboy
Maybe a few drinks with family and friends,

Reporter
And there you have it, so if you are in ‘Town’ tonight be sure to buy one of these guys a drink, they have the key to the city, which means they might just let you, as ancient law dictates, heard a flock of sheep down the Mancuian highway and up to the steps of the town hall,

Cut to:



Scene 2

The camera pulls back from a small dirty portable TV screen, its covered in chip fat, and the fall out from saurce splash back, the camera pulls back further to reveal a kebab wagon with a larger than life Chef cooking up a night time feast for a group of soldiers all a bit pissed.

Sickboy
‘Bloke goes to the doctor's and says "Every time I look in a mirror I get a hard on"

"That's all right" said the doctor "There's nothing wrong with you. You just look like a cunt"

Tomo
Ive got one here, listen (reads a text message out a loud)
Shhhhhh!!.......
Don't tell anyone...... I'm gonna go down on you....
...And you're gonna love it...........
........But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it........
....Then I'm gonna come back up again and fuck you big time.....

Lots of love,

Petrol prices xx

Chef

Walking through the jungle a monkey hears a cry for help, he looks through the bushes to see an Ostrich up to her neck in the swamp.

“Please help me” she cries,
The monkey looks around and finds a fallen branch and tries to reach her with that but it’s too short.

Just then the Lion arrives on the scene pushing the monkey roughly out of the way and snorts "its ok I’m here now and I’ll take care of things.... he just looks at the Ostrich and say’s “no problem I’ll just go and get my Porsche and have you out of there in a jiffy".

As good as his word he returns with his Porsche backs it up to the edge of the swamp ties a length of rope to the rear bumper and throws the other end to the Ostrich and says hang on for the ride of your life. All the Lion manages to do is bury the Porsche up to the axle and frustrate the Ostrich.

Just then the Elephant arrives and says to the Ostrich"I have something that will get you out but it’s a bit racy" by now the sobbing and frustrated ostrich is up to try anything.

The elephant reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a well thumbed copy of playboy, as he studies the contents his John Thomas snakes out over the swap the Ostrich grabs it in her mouth, and with that the elephant walks backward and pulls the Ostrich out of the swamp and they walk away together into the sunset.

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS YOU DON’T NEED A PORCSHE TO PULL A BIRD WHE YOU’VE GOT A COCK LIKE AN ELEPHANT......

Camera leaves the banter at the kebab wagon and heads over to a wall, where Lewis is bent over spewing his guts up, Amy stands by her man, giving him shit,

Amy
It’s the fucking same, every fucking time (she txts as she speaks)

Lewis
(is sick)

You come in, fuck me, say you love me, go out with your mates, text me saying meet me, I come out, and your fucking pissed, everytime, is this what you think an actual relationship should look like.

Lewis
(is not in the right frame of mind to retort)

Amy
Are you listening to me (beat) Lewis answer me

Lewis
I am….

Amy
Fucking waste of space, (storms off, then turns and )
You have got some serious making up to do mister. (answers her phone and walks)

Camera follows Amy, round a corner, past a few snogging couples, up to the doors of the club

Skin Head Doorman
You know you can’t bring that in here

Amy
What?

Skinhead Doorman
Your top, you have got to take it off

Amy
Er???

Black Doorman
And your Bra, that’s got to come off to

Skinhead Doorman
Don’t worry we’ll help you, you can pick up your clothes from mine later

Amy looks confused, then gets the joke, then

Amy
(with a smile) Fuck off

Amy enters the bar/club camera follows, the bar is packed, the music is loud, people dance, a few drink, lots of energy, Amy walks up to Kit, grabs her arm and pulls her into a corner, they sit down, Amy breaks down into tears.
The following scene is in subtitles as the music is so fucking loud.

Kit
Whats he done this time

Amy
That’s the point, he has’nt

Kit
Look you knew it would be like this

Amy
Did’nt think he would be like this

Two Students, escorted by Two doorman are pushed through shot

Amy
Aint that your bloke

Kit
(stands to look, we follow her eyeline to see the two students being taken by doorman to the exit)








Camera follows the students out the door, they sing as they are ejected.
We are now outside the bar, our group of soldiers appear into shot.

Skinhead Doorman (to Tommo)
You can’t come in with that hood

Black Doorman
No trainers either

Sickboy
I’m not wearing trainers

Black doorman
What are they then

Sickboy
White shoes mate

Black doorman
Look like trainers to me

Sickboy
White fashion shoes, hardly gonna go running in 120 quid shoes mate

Black Doorman
You got any ID

Sickboy
Yeah

Skinhead doorman
Well lets see your ID, you got to be over 21 to get in here tonight

Lewis
We are all over 21, did you see us on the news

Black Doorman
IDs please lads.

Lewis (to tommo)
Whats this fucking passport control, what next cavity search

Tommo
Always be weary of men that carry blue gloves

Skinhead doorman
Whats this

Sickboy
Army ID mate

Black Doorman
Not tonight lads

Tommo
What do you mean not tonight lads?

Skinhead doorman
Means what he said, (SPELLS IT ) Not tonight lads, you speaking da English

Lewis
Whats that supposed to mean

Skinhead doorman
(squaring up) it means ‘Not tonight lads’ (points to a sign)

A sign that reads ‘No Soldiers’

Lewis
Does that sign read no soldiers or no Asians

Tommo
We always come in here

Black doorman
And that is why we have a new sign, new rules, new management

Lewis
Fuck you!!!

Black doorman
(does not react to this, instead radios into his pub watch radio his venues call sign and says he needs assitance)

Lewis
What you doing calling a few more knuckle draggers to the door to rescue you

Tommo (to lewis)
Calm the fuck down, we need to get in here, this aint for us, its for sam, yeah?
(to doorman)
look we’ve just come for a few drinks with our mates, not out for any trouble or owt just a few jars, weve been away, pay our respects like, did you see us on the news tonight.

Black doorman
I understand mate, but rules are rules? I’ll tell you what, you two can come in, but this one he’s got an attitude problem

Lewis
Its you with the fucking attitude

Black doorman
Stick a fucking lead on him before you all get barred

Sick boy
(grabs Lewis and pulls him to one side)
Just calm the fuck down will you

Lewis
Bunch of racist cunts, and you, you stuck up for them

Sick boy
No I was fucking evalauating the situation

Tommo
This is fucking it, top night, bunch of actual morans on the door, this is proof that the country is actually lead by actual morans, what we gonna do?

Sick boy
I’ll have a word, maybe if I mention this is Sams wake and all, maybe they will see sense (sick boy goes back to the door)

The two students from earlier come on over and start speaking to the soldiers

Student one
Heard what they said mate, fucking well out of order

Lewis
Thanks?

Student one
He got thrown out for just having a laugh,

Student two
They about broke my arm, the way the throw me out

Lewis
You must have done something wrong

Student one
You in the army

Lewis
Yeah

Student
Iam making a film about soldiers and the war on terror

Lewis
I can pretty much sumerise this film before it's even made, it will be about evil sqauddies who have kicked the f**k out of and tortured poor innocent insurgents and are now having PTSD flashbacks over all the ragheads they've slotted and the bad things they've done.

All with berets like helicoptor landing pads.

all the ***** are the f word

Originally Posted by mark1234

Ok, I have had a word with a friend, he is willing to talk to you , he is ex-para reg been there, done that and killed mucho ragheads.

He will only do it though if he can play himself in the film.

This is his pizco site, contact him there.

Big Fkin Smirk

Guess Tarantino should'nt start worrying yet then?

Can we have ungrateful civies chanting stop the war causing a flash back to when one of the soldiers saves an Afghan child from dying whilst NGOs fear to go near the kids village? One of the protesting civvies should look like a taleban protester in the childs village who wants the soldiers to leave her to die.

not read it all.
jokes arent too bad. nightclub bit might be a bit cheesey/chavvy. hard to watch.
not sure the blokes would be carrying "army ID" on them going to nightclub etc - thought they were on leave.