ARmy Rumour SErvice

**CQMS** · 09-08-2012, 22:45

Originally Posted by CQMS

Senior Dibble - "Lads, the evil government is cutting all our funding and we need to do something"

Plod 1 - "Boss, why don't we solve a major crime?"

SD - " Good lad, problem is we don't have one"

P1 - "There's still the disused mineshaft isn't there?"

SD - "yeess?"

P1 - "Let's find an untermensch child and hide her there"

SD - "Roger so far"

P1 - "Huge investigation followed by successful investigation with lots of TV opportunities for you"

SD - "Will it be OK?"

P1 - "Who cares, it's untermensch."

**Mr_Snakey** · 09-08-2012, 22:47

Originally Posted by Boumer

Sweet Baby Jaysus! That went out with the SUS laws!

It'd be nice if we had two offences, though:

Being out of Well out of Order, contrary to S1 of the Boumer Criminal Law Act 2012, and
Being out of Order, contrary to S2 of the Boumer Criminal Law Act of 2012.

One is triable in Crown court and carries up to life, the other triable in Magistrates and carries up to 2 years.

Points to prove are quite simple, that the defendant was, beyond all reasonable doubt, either well or simply out of order.

I've thought long and hard about this when pissed. It seems the way forward to me.

No, this is where your namby panby policing has gone all wrong Boumer, or should I say Fowler.

Being well out of order in my day meant you got to choose between a nicking or a kicking.

The latter was performed by the roadside by highly skilled porkers whose excruciating body shots miraculously left no marks.

Show 'em your truncheon Fowler!

**Boumer** · 09-08-2012, 22:54

Originally Posted by Mr_Snakey

Show 'em your truncheon Fowler!

I would but I'm a grower not a shower.

Maybe I've missed the point.

(Too much fucking CCTV to hand out kickings anyway. Remember what I said about being forensically aware).

**sunnoficarus** · 09-08-2012, 23:08

Have the Plod checked the fine and rather unkempt jungle?

"...I want my £10 back for the garden...."

Video: Tia Sharp's step-grandad begs her to return - Telegraph

**Werewolf** · 09-08-2012, 23:13

Originally Posted by Mr_Snakey

He looks well dodgy.

If I was a copper I'd have him in on a charge of being well dodgy.

He's fucking thick so it should take plod a good few weeks before they manage to successfully lose most of the evidence.

I'll wager he's involved too.

"I love her to bits."

Fruedian Slip?

No wonder Plod are checking the bins...

**DeltaDog** · 09-08-2012, 23:39

Originally Posted by sunnoficarus

The 'grief stricken' uncledadgrandads story is far too detailed and precise.

I'd wager he's been briefed to give every last detail, and is aware what people are thinking as he's talking. After watching that footage, I'm actually inclined to believe him.

**Mr_Snakey** · 09-08-2012, 23:42

Originally Posted by sunnoficarus

The 'grief stricken' uncledadgrandads story is far too detailed and precise.

That's what my mrs said.

Darling???? Is that you???

Why can't we have jig a jig anymore?

**Speedy** · 09-08-2012, 23:57

Originally Posted by sunnoficarus

Have the Plod checked the fine and rather unkempt jungle?

"...I want my £10 back for the garden...."

Video: Tia Sharp's step-grandad begs her to return - Telegraph

Jeez! Is there anyone they haven't rolled out that doesn't have 'step' preceding their relation to the missing girl!?

**sunnoficarus** · 10-08-2012, 00:05

Originally Posted by DeltaDog

I'd wager he's been briefed to give every last detail, and is aware what people are thinking as he's talking. After watching that footage, I'm actually inclined to believe him.

If someone asked me to give a minute by minute running commentary of everthing that I did and said last Friday, complete with a minute by minute timeline, with dialogue for everyone else in the house, I'd be stumped.
Its what catches people out, they have far too much recollection down to the minute, when 99% of people would be hard pushed to remember anything beyond the broadest strokes of what they did.