Shortt Thread: Fun & Frivolity Here

**visitor** · 22-01-2010, 19:44

Originally Posted by BarkingSpider

Originally Posted by visitor

btw this monkey emoticon is cool.. cheers CO's for the new amusing additions.

I like them too but am a little disappointed they haven't used my 'Emperor Mong' emoticon.

....Agreed matey, ur "Emperor Mong" emoticon would defo be a amusing addition, we could use it instead of writing swear words like "jim shortt"

. This

reminds me of a Lego piece in my newphews toy box

**visitor** · 22-01-2010, 20:04

Originally Posted by blue-sophist

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/newsnight/8471187.stm

No connection with Shortt, I'm sure. Far too close to dangerous places.

I just saw that article on BBC news. Typical that the bloke producing sh!t happens to be named jim.

**killaloe_holiday** · 22-01-2010, 20:24

I wonder if Baron Von Bankrupt & "Sir" Duncan have been to relate for a bit of marriage guidance. Seems that Swindon is again the home of the IBA. No mention of Parkie Ware as the Mainland National Director or the Protector Network.

http://www.ibauk.com/contact.htm

One thing is for certain Shortt et al can't even fart now without being watched or commented on.

Look forward to the Gallery (coming soon !!)

**visitor** · 22-01-2010, 20:54

If you google "ibabodyguards" it now only has the Arrse entries about 30 links down the page, my first thought was shortty & co have been busy relaunching old iba sites to raise their profile standing within the list to dominate. My first thought was wrong. On closer look, check out the 3rd link down relating to its value, then click on it to see a different more realistic value

**blue-sophist** · 22-01-2010, 21:10

No, I don't understand [apart from the $68]. Where next?

**BarkingSpider** · 22-01-2010, 21:14

Originally Posted by visitor

Originally Posted by BarkingSpider

Originally Posted by visitor

btw this monkey emoticon is cool.. cheers CO's for the new amusing additions.

I like them too but am a little disappointed they haven't used my 'Emperor Mong' emoticon.

....Agreed matey, ur "Emperor Mong" emoticon would defo be a amusing addition, we could use it instead of writing swear words like "jim shortt"

. This

reminds me of a Lego piece in my newphews toy box

I've done a short one too:

**Archangel** · 24-01-2010, 16:05

I understand that there is a brand new course available from the IBA for 2010. The correct use of the following piece of kit ...as used by secret agents and 'international men of mystery' on combat missions around the world!

(course cost: only Â£3000 + VAT, non refundable.
Instructor: Parkie Ware )

**killaloe_holiday** · 26-01-2010, 20:16

Ha Ha

**DannyDiehard** · 26-01-2010, 21:22

Did anyone watch the programme on Jack the Ripper. Profiling newest suspect Doctor Tumblety. Liked to dress in uniforms and wear medals he was not entitled to. Faked his qualifications. Sold quack medicine for which he made false claims. Con man. Moustachioed.

Plus he

Collected uteruses (or whetever the plural of uterus is). Arrested for gross indecency.

**DannyDiehard** · 26-01-2010, 21:26

http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?im...HNO6jAfk-P2MDA

Jim the Fibber just lacks that ring

**mordread** · 26-01-2010, 21:27

Grossly indecent to uteri..??

**DannyDiehard** · 26-01-2010, 21:34

They didn't complain cos they were pickled at the time. But fair point. Grossly indecent with a number of men. His hobby was collecting uteri and his other was homosexuality plus trying to give half of the Yanks yellow fever.

**DannyDiehard** · 26-01-2010, 21:40

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Prince-Quack.../dp/0786444339

That is the image I was seeking.

**BarkingSpider** · 27-01-2010, 00:50

Originally Posted by DannyDiehard

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Prince-Quacks-Notorious-Tumblety-Charlatan/dp/0786444339

That is the image I was seeking.

This one?

Bloody hell. It's shorttarrse's dad!
From Prince of Quacks to King of Walts.

**DannyDiehard** · 27-01-2010, 09:34

Thank you sir for the application of your superior computing skills. I think it is uncannily similar to the appearance of Jimbo the source of much displeasure but also of much mirth exhibited in our threads. Tumblety was of course of Irish descent.

He appears to have been the Baron of Castletumblety a direct descendent of Doublettee Ttumbletty and hereditary heir to rights to receive tokens of female biology. The ancient Irish clan tribute obligation known as Duterai Uteri You to I begorrah. The said uteri traditionally had to be offered in kinship and tribute to the clan chief in traditional beakers. Those used for a final sup by men condemned to hang. These uteri containing beakers were known as Gallow Glass.

The Gallow Glass with its grisly pickled content had to be presented in a ritual manner. By the chubbiest little chap who had to wear a kilt. The chubby chap had to carry the Gallow Glass under his kilt held between his chubby thighs, walk to the chief, whip up his kilt to reveal his lubricated female organ clamped between his chubby thighs. (To add to the drama his thighs would be lubricated with the ritual"Gallow Glass Lard")

In the 16th century it emerged that one family was genetically predispositioned as chubby little chaps best suited to the ceremony. The O'Shortarses.

"That won't do," said Chief Ttumbletty, "Hence forth their name as hereditary carriers of the tribute beaker must have the double tee. Henceforth they wil be known as Shortt the Hereditary Bearers of Gallow Glass"

All was well until the 19th century when the Shortt, Bearer of Gallow Glass of that time, ran out of Gallow Glass Lards. A bright neighbour, albeit something of a deviant, suggested that his ejaculate might be a convincing substitute.

Well just as Shortt was on his knees with his mouth wrapped around the source of the substitute lubricant and as his neighbour was spasmodically spurting the juice. In came the Clan Chief's official calligrapher.

There had been a fire (som pillock had been trying to make IEDs apparently and it all went horribly wrong) and the clan ritual scrolls destroyed.

"What" said the calligrapher, in a hurry to make a new scroll, "is your hereditary role"

With a gob full of deviant neighbour stiffie and anxious not to swallow the substitute lubricant it must be understandable, from our viewpoint of history, that the Shortt of his time garbled his words.

The intended words were bearer cos we're short of the Gallow Glass in lard.

The scribe recorded "Baron Castleshortt of the Galloglas Guard" and a legend was born.

To be fair to the scribe for not reading back his work and checking. Would you have bothered when the pr-ck had his kilt rolled up and was spitting ejaculate on to his chubby thighs ?