Computer Advice

**Proximo** · 06-11-2006, 20:11

ARRSE is home to more than a few nerds, technogeeks and people who think that Genesis should actually read like this:

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.

On the first day, he toggled the 0 to 1, and the Universe was. (In those days, bootstrap loaders were simple, and "active low" signals didn't yet exist.)

On the second day, God's boss wanted a demo, and tried to read the bit. This being volatile memory, the bit reverted to a 0. And the universe wasn't. God learned the importance of backups and memory refresh, and spent the rest of the day (and his first all-nighter) reinstalling the universe.
On the third day, the bit cried "Oh, Lord! If you exist, give me a sign!" And God created rev 2.0 of the bit, even better than the original prototype. Those in Universe Marketing immediately realized that "new and improved" wouldn't do justice to such a grand and glorious creation. And so it was dubbed the Most Significant Bit. Many bits followed, but only one was so honored.

On the fourth day, God created a simple ALU with 'add' and 'logical shift' instructions. And the original bit discovered that -- by performing a single shift instruction -- it could become the Most Significant Bit. And God realized the importance of computer security.

On the fifth day, God created the first mid-life kicker, rev 2.0 of the ALU, with wonderful features, and said "Forget that add and shift stuff. Go forth and multiply." And God saw that it was good.

On the sixth day, God got a bit overconfident, and invented pipelines, register hazards, optimizing compilers, crosstalk, restartable instructions, microinterrupts, race conditions, and propagation delays. Historians have used this to convincingly argue that the sixth day must have been a Monday.

On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.

If you're in a jam and need help, just go here and pose a question.

**Nehustan** · 06-11-2006, 20:19

Apart from the bit about God having a boss, and with a little cycling of the data (Gematria), it does doesn't it?

**Proximo** · 06-11-2006, 20:22

That depends on whether you agree with the concept of gematria. I'm not shure that using an approximate values of Pi would have got the universe off to the best possible start!

Big Fizzle, anyone? :D

**Narcissus** · 06-11-2006, 20:28

Originally Posted by Darth_Doctrinus

On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.

What do you get if you cross your misses with a Mac? A bird that wont go down on you

**the_butler** · 06-11-2006, 21:50

Originally Posted by linemanloz

Originally Posted by Darth_Doctrinus

On the seventh day, an engineering change introduced Windows into the Universe, and it hasn't worked right since.

What do you get if you cross your misses with a Mac? A bird that wont go down on you

I try never to cross my missus

**Nehustan** · 06-11-2006, 22:03

Originally Posted by Darth_Doctrinus

That depends on whether you agree with the concept of gematria. I'm not shure that using an approximate values of Pi would have got the universe off to the best possible start!

Big Fizzle, anyone? :D

Pi (I'm guessing you've seen the movie?) or Phi?

**msr** · 06-11-2006, 22:11

Darth,

When they finished building your PC, this is what those lego men got up to:

www.stupidcollege.com/items/Lego-Joint

MSR

**jinxy** · 06-11-2006, 22:14

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.

Actualy, the bit was made from bytes(alca_alcha_alko_Feck it. To much beer) Stopps me from remembering how many bytes there are in a bit.

**tattybadger** · 06-11-2006, 22:32

Don't buy an Apple - I did in February and I have had nothing but trouble - had the original exchanged and the replacement has been back and forwards to the workshop - and it's still knackered. Absolutely shiite bit of kit and expensive to boot.

I am really unhappy with it

**Nehustan** · 06-11-2006, 22:35

Originally Posted by jinxy

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.

Actualy, the bit was made from bytes(alca_alcha_alko_Feck it. To much beer) Stopps me from remembering how many bytes there are in a bit.

8 bits in a byte...and I just did.

**jinxy** · 06-11-2006, 22:50

Originally Posted by Nehustan

Originally Posted by jinxy

In the beginning, God created the bit. And the bit was a zero.

Actualy, the bit was made from bytes(alca_alcha_alko_Feck it. To much beer) Stopps me from remembering how many bytes there are in a bit.

8 bits in a byte...[b]and I just did.[b/]

What? Byte or was you bitten?

**Nehustan** · 06-11-2006, 23:23

I bit 'bout bytes and bits, I wasn't bitten but basically bleeted on 'bout basic binary bullshit.

**SkiCarver** · 06-11-2006, 23:27

As its getting towards christmas, (soz Nehustan!) I thugh I would share this. Makes me laugh every time!!!

better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus < north pole >town

cat /etc/passwd >list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice >giftlist
santa claus < north pole >town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}

Funny!

Ski! - nerd pride!

**Proximo** · 07-11-2006, 07:57

Very good Ski - try this - and it does rhyme:

<> !*''#
^"`$$-
!*=@$_
%*<> ~#4
&[]../
|{,,SYSTEM HALTED

**Storeman Norman** · 07-11-2006, 09:15

Originally Posted by tattybadger

Don't buy an Apple - I did in February and I have had nothing but trouble - had the original exchanged and the replacement has been back and forwards to the workshop - and it's still knackered. Absolutely shiite bit of kit and expensive to boot.

I am really unhappy with it

Hit it with a Tool, 14lb, Fine Adjusting. Then at least you'll have an apple crumble! :D