ARmy Rumour SErvice

Prepare your liver for the most horrible abuse it could ever imagine.

Edit: Oh and lock your door at night, those Fijian's were getting a bit lonely when I was out there last year.

Its not all doom and gloom then!

Originally Posted by vampireuk

Prepare your liver for the most horrible abuse it could ever imagine.

Edit: Oh and lock your door at night, those Fijian's were getting a bit lonely when I was out there last year.

things havnt changed then, it was 1987 when I was there, and my liver has only just recovered.

think any advice I may have is a little outdated now, leave that to younger members.

If the crabs still run a go kart track at MPA, give that a go, nothing in the world is as fun as racing a deathtrap on slicks around a frozen airfield while slightly pissed.

Crab and Sprocket.

Random Falklands Tips:

1) The choggies who work in the NAAFI are natives of St Helena and Ascension Island, who consider a two year stint in the Falklands as their once-in-a-lifetime chance to experience life in a dizzying metropolis. They don't put out much as they are bible-thumpers to a man. They hang pictures of the Queen in their accommodation, believe that the UK is someone kind of 1950s wonderland straight out of a Janet And John book and don't take kindly to questions about grass skirts. Cook strange things like baked bean and prawn pizza.

2) Walking around the Death Star of a Saturday night is like a pub crawl through a town entirely populated by squaddies (like an indoor version of Sennelager without the women). Scratch the surface and you will find all sorts of weird little places tucked away, like WVRS cafes, gyms and (allegedly) rooms full of MOD contractors who's useful employment ended years ago. Beware of running corrider battles on special occasions. The RAF at the top end will barracade themselves behind a secure door and collectively wet their pants at such times.

3) People who haven't been to the Islands before will become excited at the prospect of a trip into Stanley, imagining that the experience will be akin to getting down to Split or Kuwait. They will soon be stripped of such illusions when they realise that the whole place is made of wriggly-tin, has about 8 shite pubs full of matelot memorabilia and a 'supermarket' who's most exciting offering is smoked mackrel. Once you've had your picture taken by the big signpost, that really is it.

4) ...unless you go to the Benny Bop for the local talent. Please don't consider doing this. They really are all mental and smell of onions when they take their tops off.

5) You will see Upland Geese wandering around MPA in pairs. Don't worry - at some point EVERYONE wonders what would happen if you killed one of them. Return tourers will claim to know a Marine who did this. Ignore them.

6) Full BFFI exercises are regularly called and, in the weeks leading up to the start of the ex, the place will go mental with rumour control. If you are not part of the Infantry Company or RE Squadron, don't worry about it - you'll be in your own bed by 22:00 when your crab OC decides you've done quite enough work for one day. Snuggle down beneath your duvet to the thought of the poor fuckers out in the snow, pretending to repair an airfield or defend a mountain all night.

7) If you take happy snaps in an old minefield - don't take them into the photo place at MPA to get them developed. The cunts have no sense of humour and will drop you right in it. Strangely, they have no such qualms about developing pictures of the cocks of RAF boys that you pull...

If you value your sanity, don't under any circumstances get put on a drinking ban. And phone your Mum at least once a week.

Take a carpet tile.

If everybody takes just one carpet tile, we could have the main corridor carpeted by 2030. No, that's not half past eight.


Take a decent camera.

Take photos of the Falklands in all its different weathers - sun, snow, rain, wind, etc.
The next day, you could take photos of all the Falklands wildlife - geese, penguins, seals, etc.

That's the good thing about photography on the Falklands. You don't need a big memory card.


If you're out walking and someone shouts "Mine!" don't argue about ownership. Finders, Keepers and all that.


DON'T frequent the Oasis coffee shop. At least, not until October. Tell your mates. After the long walk there, I want to be sure that I've got a comfy seat.

Originally Posted by bigjimdangley

Crab and Sprocket.

Oh the Crab and Sprocket, I was too fat to fit through. :(