Why I hate Christmas........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by homeworker, Dec 22, 2012.

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  1. homeworker
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    homeworker Old-Salt

    I am not a skinflint but I want to get a decent amount of use out of the things that I buy. We have a fresh Christmas tree every year but 'she who is always obeyed' said that the lights we use have got a bit old and need replacing. OK, there were a couple of dead ones and I had to make some repairs but that barely makes a difference.

    She bought some while LED lights that apparently have a strobe effect, she put them up on the tree the other day and, I have to admit, they did not look too bad and then my youngest started playing about with the controls on the lights. I am not sure what happened next but the doctor said that I had an epileptic event and I should avoid flashing lights and come back after the holidays to formally get the bad news.

    I fucking hate Christmas.
  2. dingerr
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    dingerr LE

    Change religion.

    Shallom.
  3. And this one time at band camp.
  4. rockpile
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    rockpile LE

    Is this really an advert for the strobe lights? To be delivered after Christmas of course.
  5. Boozeguzzler
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    Boozeguzzler Old-Salt

    Well if you hate christmas then become a muslim, Allah akbar.
  6. UKTAP
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    UKTAP LE


    Do it, and then as a bonus, you can beat the shit out of your wife and kids whilst bleeding the state dry.

    And if wifey doesn't like it, just get her a 7.62 in the back of the head courtesy of some lovely sharia.
  7. uncle_vanya
    Online

    uncle_vanya LE

    I like Xmas, plenty to eat, plenty to drink (non-alcoholic that is). But I do destest the way folks will spend hundreds of pounds on each other, including the little 'uns, when a few days after Chrimbo, the £1,500-00 Home Gym Kit that Wifey has bught Hubby gets consigned to garage, along with all the other tat that is bought.

    Just think of all the food that is wasted because too much ahs been bought, and it all ends up in the wheelie bin. Next week, this all happens again, as a stock-up for New Year is rushed through. More dosh spent, more food wasted, more empty booze bottles to get rid off. it is all too much.

    For me, I would just like to see Nurse Olga and Matron come into my bedroom at the "Sunnyside Meadows Old Folks Home" to give me my bedtime cocoa and Meds, then for them to do a strip tease, jump my bones, one at a time please... and make an Old Krusty pleasantly worn out before rocking the night away in one's w*nking chariot......

    Then it is back to a Scrooge bowl of watery gruel (porridge) the next morning for brekky.....whilst listening to the skirl o' the Pipes from the Regimental Pipe Major! Yes, I am miserable old Victor Meldrew....... but many a fine tune is played on a worn out fiddle..... fiddle.....!!
  8. Cabana
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    Cabana LE

    I don't like Christmas because there is too much emphasis/expectations on presents. If it was just a good excuse to have the family round for dinner etc it would be great.


    As it is the NAAFI, fuck you all
  9. uncle_vanya
    Online

    uncle_vanya LE

    As it is the NAAFI, fuck you all

    Aye Theng You Squire...... aye theng you.....
  10. FrosteeMARIA
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    FrosteeMARIA LE Gallery Guru

    Oh dear god what IS IT? Should we call Greenpeace? Pass the eye bleach!
  11. mac_uk
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    mac_uk LE

    That's one hell of a promotion. Last time I saw Ackbar he was just and admiral.

    [​IMG]

    Sent by carrier pigeon using Speckled Jim
    FrosteeMARIA and Boozeguzzler like this.
  12. DavidCameron
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    DavidCameron LE DirtyBAT

    I can't take it anymore. Every Bastard advert, Last Christmas playing everywhere, along with fucking Slade, Wizard, Shakin Stevens, Mud etc. Can't drive anywhere because all the mongs have left it until the last minute to do their Xmas shopping and will wonder why all the shops have ran out of everything when they turn up. Wankers everywhere saying Merry Christmas to each other because they feel this is the right time of the year to suddenly be nice to each other.

    I really hope I'm on fucking tour next year.
  13. meat2veg
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    meat2veg Swinger

    I like to moan about the lack of good shows on TV and also all the repeats....
  14. Wordsmith
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    Wordsmith LE Book Reviewer

    Christmas used to be a time of modest gifts to show you valued a family member/friendship. Over the years it's slowly become perverted into an orgy of conspicuous consumption. I'm awaiting the horror stories in mid January about the families who had Christmas on Wonga so that little Johnny could get the unaffordable presents so he didn't feel left out at school.

    For many years I and a group of friends used to hire a small coach and go on a Christmas Eve pub crawl in a town in Sussex. Then every pub thought it could put out a few sausage rolls on a table, get the cheapest possible DJ and change £20 a head for tickets. Bye, bye pub crawl.

    We said 'fcuk Christmas cards' at work. Instead we all took in in turns to bring in sweets or cakes or suchlike so we could all have a scoff in the tea breaks in the couple of weeks running up to the Christmas break. More practical - although we're all now fat pigs...

    Too much consumption and too little fellowship/have a good time without breaking the bank.

    Wordsmith
  15. Proper_Gander
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    Proper_Gander LE

    hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

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