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Things to do to the Stag

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Run_Charlie!, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. Run_Charlie!
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    Run_Charlie! Clanker Supporter - GCM

    Mate of mine gets married in a few weeks, so what can we do to him?

    Thought about tywrapping him to a chainlink fence by his thumbs with his trousers down but immediatley dismissed that as too tame...........

    Suggestions!
  2. smartascarrots
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    smartascarrots Clanker MiA (Donor)

    Send him a photoshopped 'before the op' photo of his 'bride'-to-be?

    And similar of him for her, of course. Just to make sure the conversation doesn't peter out.
  3. old_fat_and_hairy
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    old_fat_and_hairy Clanker Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Gang bang his fiancee and video it. Show it at the reception, as part of the best man's speech.
    Always provides a rousing finale.
  4. crazyjay
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    crazyjay Crow

    Take him to Berlin, get him rat-arsed and find a lady boy for him to sow his last oats. So hillarious and allways something to use against him later on. :lol:
  5. smartascarrots
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    smartascarrots Clanker MiA (Donor)

    Shoot it cleanly with a .22-250, gralloch it, mount the rack and have venison for dinner.
  6. PE4rocks
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    PE4rocks Clanker MiA (Donor)

    Soapy TW anyone?
  7. one-flew-over
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    one-flew-over Clanker

    A good one from Sweeden

    In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere for his stag night... these usually last all day and all night... and rather than the typical English/Scottish stag night where you all arrange it beforehand, go out, get drunk and hire a stripper, the Swedes do it different.

    The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed. He might be dressed up in something crazy, and go do something fun, and then the fun starts!

    This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag night they pasted a false "skippers-beard" on him and put him at the helm of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day... much beer and fine food was consumed.

    But nothing nasty happened to him at all. In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up for the night club they all had a sauna, as is customary in Sweden. Imagine the grooms horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked buddies were waiting for him, to see that best mate number one had no hair on his genitals - neither did friend two - or three - or four...

    OH dear...!! Can you guess where they got the fake beard from...
  8. TheIronDuke
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    TheIronDuke Clanker Book Reviewer MiA (Donor)

    Jesus. The hours must fly by in Sweden, eh?

    Right. Crack him on the back of the head. Pull his strides down and mount him. Just as you are getting to the gravy strokes, and he is waking up.... lean forward and whisper in his ear... "She's not worthy of you Torquil".

    Have we no place for tradition in the modern world?
  9. BanjoBill
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    BanjoBill Clanker MiA (Donor)

    Just a suggestion... but we seem to be missing the blatantly obvious.

    [​IMG]

    Then chain him to a fence.
  10. k13eod
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    k13eod Clanker

    A good one from Albania

    In Albania it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere ... that's it really ... you sometimes get the body back.

    :(
  11. You're such a bad man these days OFH!
  12. Father_Gundulph
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    Father_Gundulph Clanker

    You could do a mixture of all of them, something like this...

    Send the heavily photo-shopped pictures to both the involved parties, take him go-karting and then peel him out of his skin after he has died horribly, (might be less of a struggle by this point), show the video of him dying horribly to his missus, but just before she cancels the wedding say it was only a joke (Cue one of you jumping out wearing said stags' skin). Wedding resumes, "Stag," gets hitched and goes on honeymooon to consumate the marriage etc etc. Then, at home the lucky one who is wearing the stag's skin can peel it off and reveal the deception to the "wife," and say that "he did really die in a horrrible go karting accident, thanks for the free holiday and copious amounts of free sex..."

    I suggest playing spoof or some other drinking game to decide who wears the stag's skin...

    F_G

    Edited to add - Also you could try to get Jeremy Beadle to film the final un-masking, so to speak and give it to the bride at the funeral...as a gift. For posterity. She can watch it and laugh saying fondly "Ah, those rascals!" Just a thought.
  13. Busta-Gut
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    Busta-Gut Clanker

    FECK ME - Massive flashback - down boy - down boy !!!!!!!!!!!!
  14. Bad_Crow
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    Bad_Crow Clanker

    Put him in a sangar for 10 hours
  15. rebel_with_a_cause
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    rebel_with_a_cause Clanker Supporter - GCM

    Sorry, misread this one I thought it said "Things to do on Stag"......actually thats not a bad idea for a thread.

    Answer Have a thrap or three.

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