The minger that got away........................

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Juan_Ramirez_III, Mar 25, 2010.

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  1. In light of this thread, I was interested to hear about when too much is considered too much for the discerning gent....When you just couldnt do it anymore :)

    http://www.arrse.co.uk/Forums/viewtopic/t=146638.html

    I freely admit Ive been with some grotty pigs, from bozz eyed screechers on Union Street to creeping round housing estates following up on promises of romance on the internet with emotionally damaged single Mum's who have yet to fathom out how to run a bath but few have turned my stomach completely.

    Sam was a breed apart though, I'd met her on Bournemouth beach the night my exams finished and with us being up to the eyeballs in cheap speed and cheaper ale did fall in love straight away. After a night of tomfoolery I finished the evening by holding her podgy hand behind a beach hut as she p*ssed out a gargantuan amount of cider that soaked my new trainers. Bliss.

    Her house however absof*ckinglutely stunk, I used to go round mid afternoon and wade through a wall of fatty steam pumping out of chip friers packed tight with potatoe based treats for a brood of siblings. Her old man had been sent down the year previous for a half hearted attempt at hammering a prostitutes napper in, I'd met him once before when he maniacally acted out a whole scene for me in the front room showing how he had frightened off a full team of road workers from outside the house with just his cycle padlock on a chain and, evidently his lying f*cking breath.

    For these reasons alone and because my 16 year old hips were literally thrusting at fresh air 24/7 I overlooked her less attractive points so I could spend my last few weeks of civilian life stuck right inside her with her bottom propped up on pillows. Aside from her diabolical personal hygiene and bizarre eating habits (I watched as the foul scutter picked away at the same plate of lasagne for 2 concurrent nights whilst I drank drank 20/20 and played her Nirvana tape's) I did however take issue with her continually forgetting to remove her chosen sanitory application for days at a time rendering her gash smelling like Monkey World with a taste akin to licking copper piping, couple that with my fear that she may have had an overly productive womb like her Mothers and would end up pregnant even if I gave her a glimpse of my balls from a passing freight train, my teenage gunk was spat outside of her without fail but remained matted in her ample pubic hair for ages giving it a look not unlike the bummers that spike their hair up with gay products today.

    Like a brave trooper I persevered, nothing was too outlandish for her and I like to think I learned a lot from having a slightly overweight and decidedly slow girl to prod and poke about with daily without fear of interruption, she did however make me gag, then and now, the image of her sucking the skin off a piece of chicken while scratching her fanny will remain with me forever more.

    I miss her, a bit.

    Your mingers please
    Sinner251 and XRE_987 like this.
  2. bigbird67
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    bigbird67 LE

  3. pacestick
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    pacestick Old-Salt

    Thats truely fu©king awesome – I mean gruesome.

    Mine was nothing worse than a night out in Brighton, after feeling the urge that i must not go bck with the lads, I had to Score. As time was not on my side at that point and also refusing to listen to reason to cry’s off “it’s not worth it mate, come back and get f’ked”, I went away to steam into a trogladite, who obviously at this point was beautiful through beer goggles. Fast forward a bit (we’re now in bed), I get this almighty urge that a womans fanny must be tasted, but the smell down below was repulsive and end up having an adverse reaction to the ABC. Fu©k it I said to the bird, have a yank on that and get me going. I sobered up quite quickly at that point and wanted nothing more than to do my load and fu©k off – which I promptly did....over her face. As she then wiped it on the pillow I made my excuses and left, but not before wishing I had gone back with flat mate who was actually pretty tasty..
  4. Ravers
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    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Mine was a girl from school in the year below me. She wasn't that bad too look at apart from her over productive acne which caused her face to resemble the moon's surface. She was the town bike and when it became my turn to ride her, I jumped at the chance. As I entered her teenage bedroom at her mum's house, I noticed the distinct smell of joss sticks and tabs all drowned out by cheap 'Impulse' deodorant.

    As she got undressed, pulling down her niks, I noticed she was sporting a 70's style shotmat, with curly black pubes protruding from her hoop for good measure. Great I thought as I started to pummel her slightly loose minge with my hand. I threw one up her and I swear my dick didn't even touch the sides she was that slack.

    After a few weeks of being ploughed by me, she went off with someone else and I was heart broken so I bought a moped. Last thing I heard she was working at the Naafi on a RAF base and was engaged to some crabfat.
  5. llech
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    llech LE

    Ah....Mingers I've had so many, however there does seem to be a common theme and that is bad B.O. and/or chipfat smells!
    However you do get used to B.O. on a girl and it actually grows on you! Chipfat however does not. :cry:
    Sparky2339 likes this.
  6. Monty417
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    Monty417 LE

    Did she say "please don't hurt me" by any chance?
    baldcossack likes this.
  7. Ravers
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    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    My second minger was similar to the first in that she seemed to be cultivating some kind of puss farm on her cheeks. This one had a lisp caused by her massive braces and it gave a touch of the mllllaaaaarr to her which I found quite alluring. From the head down she was the perfect girl, tanned, awesome body, decent sized chebs and an arse that cried out to be bitten, but every time she 'thhhpoke' large globules of spit would congeal on her braces before being blown across the room by her rancid breath, no doubt brought on by the constant build up of phlegm in the back of her throat.

    I met her in the pub one night and took her back to mine were much merriment took place, including a cracking gummer that left lacerations on my bell end from her spikey braces. The next day my step dad caught us as she was leaving the house, looking particularly rough, she 'thhhhhaid thhhomething' to him and he just looked at me and shook his head in disgust. It was the same shameful look he gave me when I got arrested for the first time.
  8. llech
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    llech LE

    I think tribute should be paid to older mustier bird's too, had one who was about 50yrs old when i was a sprightly 19yr old who when she laid flat exposed the crease in her tits and a waft of sweaty fungal pong blasted forth.
    Still needs must and on i went and filled her with finest welsh semen! :D

    Thinking back now I seem to remember she had the wettest fanny I've ever encountered, I mean she was wet from the lower end of her belly to her knee's.
    8O
  9. llech
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    llech LE

    I bet it was a 'Knowing' look mind! :D
  10. RIGRAT
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    RIGRAT LE

    Pulled a lass in the Bigg market once and ended up in a taxi back to hers.

    I'd got lost from my mates and I thought fcuk it, she'll do and I might even get a breakfast aswell. Although she stunk, as she was shoveling a box of garlic sauce with a few chips in it down her neck.

    Got back to hers (on a nice council estate) and got comfy on her sofa with her and got stripped down to me boxers. She went and got some drinks sorted. Fcuk knows what happened next as I fell asleep. Out cold! I'd just started 3 times a day training that week for reg'y boxing that was coming up. Was knackered and with the effect of boozing it up I suppose I fannied out and let the wob monster beat me.

    Well I woke up in the morning, still on the sofa, with a morning horn on while her Mam, Dad, brother and sister were sitting around me very nonchalontly watching soccer am and having a good laugh at me.

    She was a minger that got away. Allways wondered if it was a lucky escape though.
  11. Pigshyt_Freeman
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    Pigshyt_Freeman LE

    When I was 17, I picked up, or was picked up by, a well-past-her-best bottle-blonde barfly, in the Duke of York one afternoon. P*ssed and inflamed with lust, I snogged her whilst balanced on a bar stool, feeling like a true man of the world, ignoring the whiff of Consulate menthol fags and tooth decay. After a particularly long kiss, noticed that she had an entirely white tongue with just a single strip of pink down the middle. I realised what the sticky deposit on the back of my top two front teeth was, and scraped it off with my fingernails.

    We went back to her grotty council house (Burnthouse Lane for those of you who know Exeter) complete with rusty motorbike in the front yard, burst rubbish sacks, headless dolly etc. She wanted it doggy style but as she raised her arse in the air whilst kneeling on her sofa, she let rip a fart and then followed through with seemingly yards of squishy yellow poo. The room filled with a terrible stench, and even as she was still erupting, I was reminded of a childhood toy, a sort of press that extruded Plasticene in a variety of simple shapes.

    It was too much, I fled the scene, my knob a wilted nubbin and my stomach heaving. I feel quite ill now just remembering it, nearly three decades later.
  12. llech
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    llech LE

    Feckin lier, if that was true you have banged it till your cock was raw! :lol:
  13. I'm bad with pooh, first sign of expulsion and I am rooting round on the deck for my jeans and jacket..
  14. llech
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    llech LE

    You won't want to hear my sweetcorn story then? :lol:

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