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If you could do what a cat can do, what would you do?

Murder a load of small rodents and spread the entrails and remains around my kitchen, sit in a box for a while, then, when everyone is asleep at about 0230 I'll run around the house at Mach 1 shouting my cock off.
 
@earth was right, India is more advanced than the West, they don't bother with bog paper either.

To be fair they don't bother with bogs either.

^
Or consent.

So....

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Stand guard at 3.00am and sing the songs of my people if the authorities lock me out of the sleeping area during their mating season.
 
Think to myself that I only have 6 lives left!
1) Nearly went on Salisbury plain when I was so close to rolling a CVR(T)
2) Lost that one up a mountain in Bosnia being rescued by a Seaking from the Navy - I ran outside when it came, only to breathe in all the snow from the ground it blew up - it obviously melted and to started to choke on it
3) That went 2 months ago with a major heart attack (I'm only ******* 38 and in good shape)

Wonder how the next one will go?????
 
Find the two barstewards attached 15/19H in Belcoo in 1976, not going to Tidworth with them on the Arms Plot and shit in their boots for taking one of my lives whilst bored during the runup to handover with a jury rigged flamethrower from a can of Benz, a piece of hose and a cigarette lighter.
 
Surprised nobody's thought of it but I'd clean up at Olympic / Commonwealth Games / World Championship high jump for the next 15 years. As a party trick I'd wear a suit made out of my gold medals, jump onto rooftops and lick my spiky penis.
 
Decide in a split second if I don't run upstairs to the bathroom, do a commando roll sprint back down to the living room and crash into a plant pot the world might end. Perform said task faster than Captain Kirk when he's late for work then kick one of my back legs up and dhobi my hoop.

Follow my human and the big retarded cat with the waggy tail when they leave the house twice per day in order to be taken back to the house and bribed with ham to stay.

Climb in the loft and be written off as dead for 36 hours. The meow like feck, be rescued, come down covered in itchy loft stuff and get straight on my humans bed... To dhobi my hoop.

Catch a frog and keep it alive long enough so that my human can hear it's screams.

Go out one night and never come back.
 
Decide in a split second if I don't run upstairs to the bathroom, do a commando roll sprint back down to the living room and crash into a plant pot the world might end. Perform said task faster than Captain Kirk when he's late for work then kick one of my back legs up and dhobi my hoop.

Follow my human and the big retarded cat with the waggy tail when they leave the house twice per day in order to be taken back to the house and bribed with ham to stay.

Climb in the loft and be written off as dead for 36 hours. The meow like feck, be rescued, come down covered in itchy loft stuff and get straight on my humans bed... To dhobi my hoop.

Catch a frog and keep it alive long enough so that my human can hear it's screams.

Go out one night and never come back.


Stalk disdainfully away from people I don't like, whilst shaking my back feet in disgust just to make sure they get the message.
 
Yell my cock off outside a sleepy blokes bedroom door until he lets me in, and proceed to inconvenience him with an irritatingly wet nose for the next quarter of an hour. Then, when he gets up, f*ck off for the rest of the day, only coming back for food and to destroy his bloody expensive earphones.

Frigging cats. Can't live with 'em, and if you lob them out a window they just look mildly annoyed. Cute though.
 
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