Well it appears the years I spent waving my genitals at high power radars on various warships hasn't worked and I'm going to have a legitimate child to add to all the ones I fathered with sex workers in the Far East, Latin America and Plymouth. Mrs Ravers will be dropping sprog number 1 in November and to be honest I'm a little daunted by the prospect. She is going through the advanced stages of pregnancy paranoia at the moment which is particularly interesting, a high point being the security scare she sparked by refusing to walk through the metal detector at the airport. On the plus side she also has the pregnancy horn so I get raped the minute I get home from work each night. So any tips on how I should raise the ankle biter? We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet but either way I quite like the name Dave. I'm looking forward to taking it to play school and teaching it to bully the stuck up little brats with stupid names like Apple and Hermione. Obviously I will be banning it from such shite as Playstation, Telly Tubbies and kids from poor families but what other things should I be taking into account?