Thread: The worst book I've ever read...

'Pretty standard stuff for Clancy, isn't it?'

Aside from 'The Hunt for Red October' and 'Red Storm Rising', everything he's written is a pile of shit. Clancy is also a borderline walt, as it's pretty clear that 'Jack Ryan' - ex-USMC, stock-market legend, ace-CIA operative, National Security Advisor, and then ... gosh ... POTUS - is the character the author wishes he was (Clancy was rejected from the ROTC because of his poor eyesight).

'Its nice to see that many if not all of the books here have a military theme... however how about broadening our horizons here and mentioning one or two others...'

John Le Carre stopped writing decent novels after 'Single and Single'.

Originally Posted by weekend_worrier

'Pretty standard stuff for Clancy, isn't it?'

Aside from 'The Hunt for Red October' and 'Red Storm Rising', everything he's written is a pile of s***. Clancy is also a borderline walt, as it's pretty clear that 'Jack Ryan' - ex-USMC, stock-market legend, ace-CIA operative, National Security Advisor, and then ... gosh ... POTUS - is the character the author wishes he was (Clancy was rejected from the ROTC because of his poor eyesight).

'Its nice to see that many if not all of the books here have a military theme... however how about broadening our horizons here and mentioning one or two others...'

John Le Carre stopped writing decent novels after 'Single and Single'.

John Le Carre greatest achievement was the George Smiley trilogy, absolutely brilliant. Tinker, Tailor etc. The recent Radio 4 adaptations are very good too. I wanted to read the never written book about Carla's interrogation - Le Carre let me down badly..

Dennis Rodmans Autobiography has to be the worst, appears to have been wriiten by a 12yr old with learning diffculties. Only read it because I was on a night shift and could't find anything else.

Originally Posted by Chef

Also American Psycho, one of the few books I couldn't finish, but whichever page you turn to there are at least two brand names to be found.

Yup, that would be the author attempting to show (in graphic detail) the protagonist's obsessions with material things.

You should have kept going. The entire chapters on Genesis or Huey Lewis may not have floated your boat, but the bit where he walks around his flat with a woman's head on his engorged fleshstick always cheered me up.

Originally Posted by ExScaleyBleep

Its nice to see that many if not all of the books here have a military theme... however how about broadening our horizons here and mentioning one or two others...

Stephen King has produced some phenomenal tomes in his literary lifetime.. admittedly many people will differ on thier opinions of some...

However..............

CELL has to be the worst piece of shite that he has EVER written.. its almost as if he wrote it on a spare Sunday afternoon when he was hungover and bored to tears... what a load of w**k............ cant believe I bought it ....

Mr King Sir... you are a twat !

I quite enjoyed Cell. I am a fan of Stephen King, and thought this book was pretty good compared to some of the tosh he has churned out recently. And anyway there's something about post-apocolyptic zombie fiction that makes me go weak at the knees.

As for bad books - Ken Follett and Jack Higgins both do a lot of incredibly mediocre thriller books, including some absolutely excrutiating sex scenes. Eye of the Needle was pretty bad.

'John Le Carre greatest achievement was the George Smiley trilogy, absolutely brilliant. Tinker, Tailor etc. The recent Radio 4 adaptations are very good too.'

The early 80s TV adaptations with Sir Alec Guinness as Smiley ('Tinker, Tailor' and 'Smiley's People') are outstanding. On the other end of the scale, 'The Mission Song' was dire.

'Ken Follett and Jack Higgins both do a lot of incredibly mediocre thriller books, including some absolutely excrutiating sex scenes.'

Jack Higgins has only ever written one novel - it just keeps getting regurgitated and published under different titles.

Originally Posted by wedge35

The Nemesis File.

If you haven't, dont!

Couldn't agree more - possible grounds for divorce if any Doris buys you it!

Stephen Leather (Already has a mention) books would be best described as Andy Mcnab does acid and is given a typewriter.

I got passed 3 of his books from a bloke at work (ex RAF storeman, say no more) I read the first in his series of "Dan Shepard" books called "Hard Landing" which is a rather bizzare tale of a ex SAS man turned undercover cop who infiltrates a gang of armed robber to get in prison bla bla bla bla bla.
It was ok for what it was but imagine my suprise when towards the end (when his ex SAS colleagues are going to break him out of a Cat A Prison, oh yes they are!) Who is named as one of his Ex SAS buddys to break him out? None other than Arrses favorite walt JIMBO SHORRT I couldnt believe it, it even describes Shorrt as "a stocky five foot nine with drooping moustache" and "having travelled from Ukraine after training their SWAT team"

My first thought was that mabe Stephen Leather was an Arrser and was taking the piss, but a quick google search led me back to Arrse and Jimbos CV, it reveals Stephen Leather was a client of Jimbos and obviously included him in his book after being impressed by his tales of derring do! : Jimbos CV

Ive got to finish the book now, out of morbid curiosity but its now become laugh out loud instead of toe curling, stay away, unclean!!!!!!

Matthew Reilly's novels are summarised in their Wikipedia entries. They are absolutely deranged. Andy Remic also seems to have a glue-sniffing habit.

http://www.andyremic.com/

Just read a new contender for the title!
'Death or Glory- The Last Commando' by Michael Asher.

It's full of the most bizarre language and even though the author was ex-Para and Them, his heroes have a very unmilitary way of addressing each other-

'Contact left- Staff Sergeant Jones!'
'OK, put covering fire on the tree line, Lance Corporal Smith'

Did anybody talk like this even in WW2?

His descriptive nouns are even more peculiar, this is just from one page-

'A shell skirried air....gravel blebbed...the squadron gangrened out in a fog of dust,peesashing smoke,line-squalling flame..flugelhorned fire...he cracker-jacked him through the forehead,saw the head fricassee in roseate shreds'

Weird!

Originally Posted by Issi

His descriptive nouns are even more peculiar, this is just from one page-
'A shell skirried air....gravel blebbed...the squadron gangrened out in a fog of dust,peesashing smoke,line-squalling flame..flugelhorned fire...he cracker-jacked him through the forehead,saw the head fricassee in roseate shreds'
Weird!

Liar, you must be making that up!

Surely...

Auscam, I wish I was that talented! All true, I'm afraid to say.

Bloody hell! 'Talented' isn't quite the word that springs to mind; 'drugged' or 'deranged' perhaps...how does such trash get printed?

I'm not a struggling would-be author with a cracking manuscript that I can't get past the publishers' slush piles, but if I were, I'd be quite bitter about that tripe!

Edited to add; It's a piss-take, it must be!

more-
....303 rounds blistered their bodies, gnarled limbs, sent men bucking skipping and capering like cake walkers
..a spike of fire blowtubed,mines blowgunned..
..he tromboned the working parts of the Bren..
..felt hun rounds squinch air,heard them chirring,squibbing off the parapet...
..he braced his Bren, whamped it into his hip and let rip a spliff of fire.

The more I read this the more bizarre it's getting! I wish I could make up words when I write my technical reports, would make it a whole lot more fun!

i read somthing that i think was called 'schools out'. it was about this french guy who fancied his sister that ended up fcuking his girl friend, and got sent a dead monkey full of maggots by one of his sex addict 12 year old pupils. Also, one of the kids in his class aparently saw their french teacher as a dwarf in the woods, and the whole class killed itself in a mass suicide at the end. major case of WTF.