ARmy Rumour SErvice

Well, been lurking here for fcuking ages so seeing as I'm bored and can't sleep I thought I might as well share my hope dreams and bowel movements with whoever else is bored and can't sleep.

First of all I haven't had a sh1t in 4 days. Really looking forward to the next time I get that stirring feeling deep in my guts. I'm making sure I don't stray too far from a toilet in the meantime though.

Well that's the bowel movements bit covered for now so here goes the hopes and dreams. I've just finished (well, got out a year ago. Feels like yesterday) my * years in 1 ***** ******* (although with all the amalgamations we're more of a counties regiment. No doubt soon to become part of the Corps of Infantry). I managed to reach the dizzy heights of **** and got a self catering package holiday as a prize. I crashed and burned at A levels but I have pretty good GCSEs.

Been working as a "Door Supervisor" ("Faaaarkin' Caaaaahnt" as it is pronounced in the local dialect, commonly called Bouncer by all those not of chav extraction. Christ I hate chavs). Anyway, due in no small part to my repeated and prolonged exposure to chavvy untermensch (and the unterwomensch are even worse!) I've decided that as a career, being a fcuking cnut does not have much going for it. I already have all my truck licenses from the Army, but can I get work? Can I fcuk. Ah. Plan D it is then.

I was looking at resitting my A levels at dayschool (I already work nights!) when I stumbled on these little things called Access to Medicine courses. They're mainly designed for those who never took A levels or who took non sciencey A levels, and who've made a succesful career in another field, but for whatever reason want to get into Med School and become a Dr. I'm stretching my promotion to **** as evidence of having had a succesful career in the Army, and have recently applied to a college in ***** ****. Got an email saying I'd been put on a shortlist for an interview so we'll see.

By all accounts, this Access to Med course, which lasts a year by the way, is a cracking shot of getting accepted to a Med School proper, with about 85% who pass it getting an offer. Only problem is about 50% either drop out or fail. So, not a problem, I know that I'm not stupid and that I have discipline and maturity now that I didn't have when I was at school. Not to mention motivation, I have this strange feeling everytime I think about it that this is my best shot of gaining financial and job security for me and my family, especially with these difficult times and no doubt worse to come. The problem I'm gonna have is convincing the admissions staff first at this ******* college and then at whichever Med School I'm lucky enough to get an interview at that I have the necessary discipline and maturity and motivation. Not to mention Communication, Compassion, Good Teamwork, Empathy, Patience, Manual Dexterity, Stamina and all the other qualities you apparently need to make a succesful Doctor. Who'da thunk it?!

Anyway, it's good to know that I can link most of the qualities listed above to attributes that the Army developed in me, so maybe I'm in with a chance after all.

My next step is to get some relevant work experience. On my application to the College I mentioned incidences of treating serious and minor casualties we had on tour as a Team Medic, which might be enough to get me into college, but for Med School I'm going to need some serious caring profession experience. As such, I've applied to spend 2 weeks shadowing an Orthopaedic surgeon (bone carpenter basically!) which is what I'd like to specialise in if I ever qualify, and also offered to volunteer 3 hours a week in a fcuking nursing home! I'd better get in after doing all this! It'll all be worth it then! And I guess I'll have the consolation of 17 yr old Duke of Edinburgh students and fellow Dr wannabes. Hmmm I might pull.... tales of derring do and heroism in the face of the RLC.....

Hope this has been worth reading, I've enjoyed writing it. It's helped me calm down a bit about the whole issue. Even considering doing something like Med School is a huge leap for me to make, really getting out of my comfort zone. I haven't told the family about this mainly because I don't want the humiliation of telling them when/if I fail. But hopefully in 6 years from now it'll all be worth it, I'll be a junior Doctor working stupid hours, lots of them unpaid (thanks European Working Time Directive) and with a far from certain future..... More about the recent fcuk up that is the NHS next time.

Copied from blogs (original entry) - post comments here.

Originally Posted by wannabemedstudent

Got in trouble for a similar stunt once. Pretended to be the CSM except it was the RSM who was ringing. Ping!

Did it the other way round once - Bish was doing an MA on prison rehabilitation (queue jokes about better food, better accom and time off for good behaviour - it was that long ago that it wasn't automatic time off.) Thought he might try to get an interview with the prisons minister (thought it might have been Mowlam but wiki says I'm wrong.) Wandered in to my office, "How would you do this?"

I got the CS Telephone Directory, rang the minister's PA. "Hi, this is Capt Idrach, I'm the PA to the Chaplain here, blah, blah, few minutes of your boss's time, entirely her convenience etc, etc.". A Chaplain with a Capt as PA must be important, yes? Interview arranged, Chaplain wanders off beeming.