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Internet

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The Internet is a MMORPG played on a heavily modified text adventure engine. With over 1 billion players, Internet is the most popular MMORPG, easily beating crap like War of Warcraft. It is also known for the World Wide Web, a subset of Internet protocols developed for the purpose of bringing cheap porn to the masses (see below).

Characters

Sink_pipe.jpg
If you think you are lacking internets, check under your bathroom sink. If you see a tube, you already have an internets connection.

Through Internet's text description-based technology, players can create any character they want, in order to make themselves feel much better about themselves (see Walts). Many players use this feature to create characters that would be considered absurd by real life standards. The average Internet character has some impressive stats:

  • IQ: 251
  • Max Bench Press: 1000 pounds
  • Post Count: 400 per day
  • Penis Size: Elephant

These stats are actually a lot lower than most players have. This is because some players intentionally create characters intended to represent a person that player hates, such as a mother-in-law or a politician, and give the character low stats and have the character fail miserably in very public settings. For example, there are an estimated 10,000 George W Bush characters in Internet, each of which has no stats and no achievements, and most of which do nothing but have cybersex with Dick Cheney characters. In early 2003, this method of defamation became widely accepted as a legitimate tactic in logical debates.

Characters can join one of three factions, the Explorer Horde, the Firefox Alliance or the Opera Empire. Many players are under the false impression that the faction you choose makes a difference, and will proudly advertise their allegiance as though it makes the slightest bit of difference. However, there are huge numbers of morons who think that the AOL Avengers is the way to go. Such persons should be avoided at all costs.

Playing

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Internets: The keyboard is like a magic carpet ride to a land filled with knowledge and pornograhy.

The best way to play Internets is to really truly and deeply believe that what you 'do' actually counts for a great deal. Due to its semi-anonymous nature, players can behave in any number of truly retarded ways, using sentence constructions and personal attacks that they'd never dare perform in Real Life. This gives rise to the phenomenon of the 'Internet Tough Guy' - large numbers of which can be found on ARRSE - and the 'Gratuitous Smiley User' who liberally sprinkles them like confetti throughout their 'offerings'.

Techy Crap

The protocols used in the implementation are also being taken advantage of by the Military. These comms can be made very secure and utilised for NEC.

The Internet enables users to access Arrse on a regular basis and also to use Instant Messaging Tools such as MSN Messenger of Yahoo Messenger.

Also known as the Interweb or Internets.

The Internet and Porn

The Internet has also allowed for a massive growth in the amount of porn that grubby 14 year old boys can look at (not that I would know about that sort of thing of course).

In fact it is widely believed that porn sites make up the largest single part of the internet.

Porn is undeniably the most important function of the Internet and regularly whitewashes all other site statistics, all published statistics exclude porn sites, how else would the BBC come in at No 9 when Booble.com, the adult version of Google doesn't even get an honourable mention.

It is fair to suggest that if the unthinkable ever happened and all the porn disappeared from the internet ... within 2 days there would only be one site being visited on the internet and that would be www.bringbacktheporn.com

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