Useful

**theoriginalphantom** · 01-04-2008, 18:56

Following a successful day of mixing drinking wine and using garden power tools in the rain, the cunning idea of an arrse gardening club was suggested.

So here we have the thread for all your horticultural tips, ideas and questions.

The first tip is never ever let The Snail use your electric hedge trimmer unless you want the cable to be a foot shorter than when you started.
(insert your own jokes about trimming her bush, getting wet etc etc)

for a small fee the Ground Farce Team will visit your garden and destroy it utterly.

**The_Snail** · 01-04-2008, 19:04

What garden?

**The_Snail** · 01-04-2008, 19:10

It's a lot sight worse now.

Some dickhead left me with tools.

**halo_jones** · 02-04-2008, 12:33

i only told you to blow the bloody doors off

**The_Snail** · 03-04-2008, 00:52

Twas a dark and stormy night with The Snail persuaded theoriginalphantom to assist the clearing of waste ground that her castle overlooked. Well, when I say persuaded what I actually mean is that she waited till I was suitably drunk and then made various threats of extreme violence. When this failed threats of sexual favours were made if I failed to comply.
The next day was bright and cheerful, belying what fate had in store for our intrepid horticulturalists. No sooner had the first weed been pulled than the heavens opened, a downpour of biblical proportions started. Taking shelter long enough to open a bottle of chardonnay the ground farce team then restarted with powertools and fire to clear the ground.
The day progressed in a manner similar to that of a ‘Carry on film’ with many a reference to trimming bushes, being wet and large buzzing tools. This lead to a false sense of security, for in a moment of foolishness I allowed The Snail to use the electric hedge trimmer (which is odd as she doesn’t have an electric hedge) then in the failing light of the afternoon there was an almighty blue flash. The snail was then surprised to discover that the hedge trimmer was no longer working, Toppers was surprised to find that the power extension cable was now a foot shorter than it should be.