Useful

**duty_cook** · 12-10-2006, 20:51

Originally Posted by ScotsmanRicky

Why doesnt Chewbacca get a medal at the end of Star Wars?

Scots

Cos he doesnt wear any clothes and you try stick a court mounted GSM to his tit and see what he has to say about that.

Anyway he's a wookie so fuc* um.

**beefer** · 12-10-2006, 20:55

1. Why do footballers wear shorts in the Winter but cricketers wear long trousers in the Summer?

2. Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

3. Why do you never see baby pigeons?

4. How do manufacturers get non-stick coating to stick to frying pans?

5. Where did the first men to make money, get the money to buy the machines to make money with?

Beef :D

**the_matelot** · 12-10-2006, 21:12

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

**Dale the snail** · 12-10-2006, 21:18

Picture the scene: Bulford Study Centre many moons ago. Some random briefing from MCM Div about "Careers" et al. Started at 0930hrs, (tea and coffee provided and dodgy stale Rich Tea biscuits), lunch at 1230hrs, back in at 1330hrs for more enthusiastic stimulation.

1227hrs: "Are there any questions? (Slug's belly is rumbling and she desperately needs a wee and a biffter and is sick of looking at fat useless wasters)
1227hrs and 3 seconds: Random fat waster puts his hand up "So sir, how will this affect my promotion?" (Slug just knows that this is going to take 20 minutes of complete shite from "the powers that be" and resigns herself to curly edged egg mayo or tinned ham sarnies, cold tea from a norgie and no chance to smoke at least 10 biffters before half one)

I am going to kill the next person that answers the question "Any more questions?" just before I need a brew and a biffter.

Thats all I have to say about that really.

**LIMA** · 12-10-2006, 21:47

How does a Blind Man know when He`s finished Wiping his Arrse?

**tigerbaby** · 12-10-2006, 21:56

Originally Posted by remeal

Is grass green at night?
Does the light in thr fridge go out when you shut the door?
How many roads must a man walk down, before they call him a man?

How do you know it's green in the 1st place? Colour is just a perception of what we believe we see. Besides which, we're almost fully colour blind in the dark so how would we (humans) know... unless you just get the torch out and have a look...

**Stained_Eligius** · 12-10-2006, 22:55

In answer to the two questions about baby pigeons: the reason no-one has ever seen a baby pigeon is because they spend the first 3.2 weeks (arguably the most important) of their lives under a semi-solid 'hat' of guano after being continuously shat over by their utterly incompetent 'proud' parents who couldn't be bothered kacking during the flight back to the nest. Is fighting out of an egg once not enough?? I have yet to see a species of bird with worse anal hygiene than your average pigeon. The beneifits of pointing your arrse away from the nest whilst shifting breakfast seems to have been grasped by all other birds thousands of years ago. Ok, not Mynah birds but in their defence they do eat a LOT of fruit - too much in my opinion if I'm honest.