ARmy Rumour SErvice

**Biscuits_AB** · 17-02-2012, 13:25

Originally Posted by vortexringpiece

That was Ian, then there was Dave, John and Steve

There was one more but he is more than likely long out by now. Initials MR. Come to think of it there was another, initials AM. Went over as a WO. No idea where he is now.

**Biscuits_AB** · 17-02-2012, 13:27

Originally Posted by Showmi_York-Hunt

I was on leave 1980s and went to see my folks in RheinD where Dad was serving. Anyway, out round the shops I had a bit of a run in with a couple of the corps' finest, well, they walked into me, I said, 'Oi, watch it, mate'. They clocked the desies and haircut and despite the fact I was in a jacket and tie and went into full monkey-spastic mode. 'ID card sunshine yada yada yada...' and started to give me how my future would soon involve bumpering ceilings etc when my unit found out.

And then, just like in the films my Dad and his boss came round the corner, just like the cavalry, which was ironic seeing they were scalies. 'Hello Showmi,' says Dad's boss as he extends his hand and I shake it, 'Is there a problem, Corporal?' he goes on to ask.

Well, I never believed people could turn white but these two jumped-up polished turds did. 'Hi Dad, hi Henry, no problem, these guys were just saying sorry for walking into me'. 'Im glad to hear that's all', says 'Henry' as the two monkeys were frozen rigid in a particular drill movement and off we went to lunch.

Lunch was at the senior officers mess, 'Henry' was Commander Comms BAOR (Maj Gen) while Dad was a mere Col on his staff and both in uniform at the time.

I was asked by Commander Comms on the drive over if the use of 'Henry' had acheived any specific effect to which I answered, 'That will remain the secret of the two corporals and the person who washes their underwear.... General, Sir!'

That's not the most enjoyable time I've fucked the RMP, but the other ramains between me and Lisa, but seeing as you're going to ask, yes, I did use her cuffs on her, her in uniform and there's photos.

You just made all of that up didn't you?

**Showmi_York-Hunt** · 17-02-2012, 13:30

Originally Posted by Biscuits_AB

You just made all of that up didn't you?

Yeah, her name wasn't Lisa.

**timex** · 17-02-2012, 14:12

MR is still in and AM went off to fly for CivPol.

**Biscuits_AB** · 17-02-2012, 14:15

Originally Posted by timex

MR is still in and AM went off to fly for CivPol.

Cheers for that!

**Robbo5833** · 17-02-2012, 14:23

I had 2 run ins with them during my illustrious career.. After dropping my AQ and a recy mech at the airport for some R+R me and a full screw decided to drop into the px. Rather than leave the extra guns in the highly secure Landy I cunningly used the 2 shoulder holster to carry the said pistols... I looked rock hard carrying one under each arm pit and I could here knicker elastic snapping at 50 paces... The first RMP I saw went ballistic though.. Threatened me with all sorts, accused me of looking "too warry". I pointed out I was on a yank base and them fuckers had grenade launchers and shot guns! He didn't seem moved by that argument So he took my name etc and turned up the next day to report me to my AQ... Who I'd just dropped of at the airport...fair enough if I was actually doing owt wrong, but why report me to my AQ...because they are normally all petty, jumped up cunts!

**Biscuits_AB** · 17-02-2012, 14:29

Originally Posted by Robbo5833

I had 2 run ins with them during my illustrious career.. After dropping my AQ and a recy mech at the airport for some R+R me and a full screw decided to drop into the px. Rather than leave the extra guns in the highly secure Landy I cunningly used the 2 shoulder holster to carry the said pistols... I looked rock hard carrying one under each arm pit and I could here knicker elastic snapping at 50 paces... The first RMP I saw went ballistic though.. Threatened me with all sorts, accused me of looking "too warry". I pointed out I was on a yank base and them fuckers had grenade launchers and shot guns! He didn't seem moved by that argument So he took my name etc and turned up the next day to report me to my AQ... Who I'd just dropped of at the airport...fair enough if I was actually doing owt wrong, but why report me to my AQ...because they are normally all petty, jumped up cunts!

Your originality is simply staggering. The same goes for all of your other IDs.

**Robbo5833** · 17-02-2012, 14:38

I have other ids? What the fuck are you on about?

**The_Seagull** · 17-02-2012, 14:39

Good good, this must be the worst thread of recent times. The OP might have well have named it.

"dealing with monkeys, you exaggerated stories here"

Or gone one better with.

"dealing with monkeys, plod, traffic wardens, tesco security, council wardens, your exagerated stories here".

Though, like a car accident, I'm strangely drawn to looking at it.

**Polyethyl** · 17-02-2012, 14:45

I had two run ins with the RMP and on both occasions they were helpful, reasonable and used common sense. Here’s an example...
During Telic 8 the orderly officer’s standard check count revealed that 17 morphine pens were missing. The corporal, whose job it was to keep the ledger accurate, he suggested to the RMP that I might have something to do with it. When the RMP heard that the only time the Doctor had given me the key to the drugs chest had been when he had been in the hut with me, with the lad he was treating, with 2 other medics and with a line of lads awaiting vaccinations, and thus that my only opportunity to have stolen 17 morphine pens was when about 15ish people were watching me.... the RMP dropped that line of enquiry. I think the RMP girl who took my statement was mildly incredulous that it had ever been suggested. I am therefore grateful to the RMP for being so sensible, and remain annoyed with the Corporal.