I have just visited a real necropolis in South America. This place is their equivalent of Westminster Abbey, that is to say where all the great and good of the nation are interred.
The thing is though, they aren´t buried. The caskets are placed on shelves in glass-fronted mausoleums for all to admire. While most of the mausolea are well maintained, and are quite frankly posher than my house (although they tend to remind one of Del-boy´s mum´s grave out of Only Fools and Horses), some have fallen into serious disrepair, so much so that the mouldering coffins are easily accessible.
The problem is, I found myself becoming strangely aroused, and I want to go back there tonight with a foot print screwdriver and nick a skull, so I can take it away and knob the hole at the back.

Is this wrong? does anyone else have a yen for cheeky post-mortem frolics?

Last edited by bernoulli on Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:09 am; edited 1 time in total

Does anyone else here get wood handling the packaged meat at the supermarket? The only thing that discourages me from having my way with the frozen chickens is the prospect of frosbite, and being obliged to pay for it if caught.

I find a rump roast with a good deep slit of three inches or so cut in it then warmed in the microwave for around five minutes to give it that natural freshly molested feel. Chickens have too many little bones that can break and impale your member and the bird flu threat is a bit offputting. Don't want it coughing in your face when you kiss it afterward...

Lardbeast, please don't be offended if I decline your offer of Sunday lunch at your place. I could not put up with your smirking when the gravy is running down my chin.

Filthyphil

Am I to assume then, that you have no interest in the buttered parsnips either...?

Puts me in mind of the old Paul Simon song "Fifty Ways To Love your Liver"

I used to be a necrophiliac until some cnut split on me

Sadistic necrophiliac bestiality - Flogging a dead horse...

Last year at a mates house for a barbecue, i spotted a chicken in his kitchen thawing out, quick as you like i had the old shorts down and whacked "the champ" in its cavity, whilst photographing it with my phone.

Next day about lunchtime i sent him a picture of me f*cking his dinner

I find myself aroused by the likes of Marilyn Monroe et cetera, even though on a rational level I know her to be wormfood. Luckily the Fenian wife is a dead ringer for dead singer and actress Deanna Durbin, the one much admired by Winston Churchill in fact. So I can have sex with a dead actress whenever I want to. My first wife was just like fcuking a corpse by coincidence.

Used to shag a Yorkshire tart that smelt like she was dead...

Bernoulli, I sense a chance for you to indulge in both of your pleasureable pastimes. What you need is a dead mong. You'll have to provide the mllaarrring sound effects but if you get a fresh one the drool should still be there. Unfortunately with the long dead it's difficult to tell if they were once mongs or normal people (not like you, you're wrong)

There's a band in Melbourne who play hard punk/rock, who go by the name The Twits and the lead singer, one Fred Negro is usually naked on stage by the second number. His party trick is to produce either a melon or a cooked chicken which he proceeds to fukc on stage. One beat after the vinegar stroke he hurles the melon/chicken into the crowd who are by now going ape. The melon usually gets broken up and rubbed into peoples heads. At one gig I saw a bunch of punks eat the chicken.

Ah culture, there's nothing like it.

Do you happen to know if they do childrens' parties?

Crabby wrote"Unfortunately with the long dead it's difficult to tell if they were once mongs or normal people (not like you, you're wrong)"

The rusty calipers are usually a reliable indicator.

What ever happend to the classic hump? the Portnoy special - Raw Liver...there's something to be said for the meat meeting meat to really stir the juices...
As for necrophilia.. women have a limited window of opportunity for enjoying a stiffy since rigor mortis doesn't last that long.

mmmmmmmmmmmm dead things.

I once knew a man who was corse
Who was injured by fcuking a dead horse
He pushed in his pud
But the filly it stood
Ripping off the poor b'stards smalls

he he i just made that up

Does the old trick with compo sausages count - mind you im sure i read somewhere that they were sutiable for vegitarians.

Fcuking sausages? This thread has taken a turn for the wurst!

An oldy but a goody

There was an old man of Belgrave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said I admit
I'm a bit of a sh*t
But think of the money I save

I am put in mind of the morturary attendant who told his mate he had a women there with a prawn in her vagina. His mate said "thats not a prawn its a clitoris". "well" he replies"it tasted like a prawn."