It would be like comparing the performance of a Mini Metro against a Bugatti!

You were crap.

(OK I'm not Bunny but I want to hear the revenge story)

Ah Blackrat, surprised this one has slipped your mind...
A young folically challenged siggy at 3ADSR was attached out to one of the sqn's for flying fuckup one year, being of the deviant sort, not Blackrat but one of his bezzy mates! He had a large stash of porn on his det behind the seats! As the sqn he was attached to was static for 24 hours he parked up inside a barn and draped his urban cam over the landrover and settled down for the duration. several minutes later and with a raging steamer on, well it had been over an hour since his last! He assembled his porn stash with pages open on his favourite scenes around the back of his landrover, drew his weapon and started thrapping at light speed! Suddenly head appears at back window, 'T' looks up, their eyes meet, 'T' looks down at his now shrivelling member and the SSM of 202sqn says 'Dinners served'!
Same bloke was once knocking one out in his bog at home and looked up to see his wife with her face pressed against the frosted glass, 'T' man WTF are you doing?!?!

Surprised i forgot that one Mitch! Mind you, he was responsible for many. Saying that, your story reminds me of a chap of whom you are well aquainted, we shall call him "B". Now B told me this story himself.

B was out on his rebro on some Ex or other in Germany, and was on the night shift. B was a devo of the highest order and at approx 0600hrs, decided he would take his thrap mag for a walk, under the cover of "checking the gene". He calls zero to inform them he will be off watch for approx figures 15 and disappears to where the gene is located. B drops his combats and scuds, places said material on the flat part of the gene and rubs away like Ray Mears trying to make fire. All too soon, B reaches vinegars and spaffs into a tissue. Something makes him look up and he finds himself staring into the eyes of a large dog who is around 10 metres away from him. Looking behind the dog, he sees a middle aged Frauline staring at him. Never one for being embarrassed, B shouts over "Morgen" to said female, who calls her dog over and pops smoke like the genie from the lamp.

Not me who was caught but me who did the catching.

PDT for a recent tour involved a heavy amount of public order sessions involving barbed wire between Landrovers, and us with shields behind the wire. I was positioned, as usual on the left of the line next to the drivers window of the middle Rover, enabling me to talk to the driver and give him instructions through said window.
Imagine my shock when i turn to speak to my mucker, the driver, only to see him there in full robocop gear, helmet on, visor down...mid thrap. He even managed to complete the deed as the window was smashed by incoming spuds launched by the 40 or so civ-pop who were trying to give us a shoeing.
Needless to say I found it quite hard to concentrate after that due to fits of laughter, and proceeded to take a battering!!
The cnut then proudly gets out and announces what he has just done to everyone! I think it was possibly his proudest achievement...and rightly so.

If your reading this, you know who you are.

About 12 years or so ago, several of us from the mess had been out on the sauce as you do. Much merriment was had but no-one noticed that one of our number, Chris ****** left a little earlier than the rest. Staggering back into the mess, someone went into the wrong room. Chris' room.......... in which he was fast asleep on his scratcher, a fine selection of grot spread around him and knob still in hand. Everyone is quickly summoned but fortunately for Chris, mobiles didn't have cameras back then. Still we all had a jolly good laugh at his expence and his nickname was soon 'Basher'. He lived in room 5A and at the time there was a song out which i think was called 'Brimful of Asha' by Cornershop. There was a line with words to the effect of "brimful of asha in a 45". The lyrics were quickly changed to "Room for basher in 5A".

Happy days!

The rooms on station are set out in such a way that as you enter the room, you can't instantly see if anyone is occupying the 2 beds in the room, as the shower room is blocking the view.

The acoustics are such that it's rather difficult to hear someone knocking on the door, especially when other audio is being enjoyed.

If I'd been aware of these two facts before the event, the following events would have been avoided...

A party in the mess had lead to me developing a horn of epic proportions after seeing a gorgeous blonde dressed as Wonder Woman. I knew from the off that I had no chance of real life relations with her, so decided to have a tug in the block then return to the party. I sneaked off to my room and close the door behind me.

Bugger. No grot. No problem thinks a pissed dhg, I've put the hours in at work this month so I'll sacrifice a fiver and get some off a WAP site on my phone. A few clicks later and I'm watching some bird get nailed rather noisily. Brilliant thinks I, pause it, get the kit ready, get bollocko and lie on the bed. I'm thrashing away when unbeknown to me, some equally drunk revellers knock on my door wondering where I've gone. I hear a door slam and think F*CK! I don't why but this is what I did...

1) Throw my phone at what I thought was an open window, it wasn't, the phone bounced and landed back on the bed.
2) Roll myself, hand still on todger, off the far edge of the bed and land face (and todger, OUCH) on the floor.
3) Pretend to be asleep complete with comedy snoring.

My mates enter, have a look at the situation and rumble me instantly. Trouble is, I keep pretending to be asleep, with hand on todger, face down, bollock naked on the floor and with porn playing very noisily now on my phone. I only stop pretending when the others decide that it'll be funny to slap my arse. WHACK. OWWW. I turn over quicker than an Italian ruck, and reveal my front half.

Not one of my finest hours.

Apologies for the pedantry, but surely the place that one would find lumps of poo/ sweetcorn after a hoop dhobi would be lodged in the 'tache or between the teeth?

Spot on. My mistake. I meant to say bot frigging!

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