I had always imagined Salisbury to be a genteel market town, redolent of Constable and indomitable old maids cycling across the Close of a summer evening. And generally speaking it is - if you avoid the town centre on millionaire's weekend.
I was there on Saturday night, and oh. My. Fcuking. God. The rancid snares that await a naive young soldier-man, back from the wars with a pocket full of gold and a slack handfull of pub-vended phlobbers.

I have lived in Plymouth and Pompy, but I have never seen such evil looking, lantern-jawed, drumstick-legged, gimlit-eyed, pikey, Dagenhan face-lifted, screeching, pissing in doorways, kebab-snuffling, just plain nasty slappers in my life. These creatures were swarming in great leathery winged, foetid hordes around HM's finest, eager to pry the coin from their pockets and the seed from their orbs - no doubt with half a wall-eye on a life of wedded bliss on the Patch up in Tidworth.

We had to walk past The Chapel on the way home, and that meant running the gauntlet of the Fugly Wall. This seems to be manned watch-on stop-on during the first and middle watches with the adipose dregs of Wiltshire womenhood. There is a minimum of three fat hoppers on the wall during these hours; what's the score, is there a roster or something?

I concur....

It wasnt that far from me when I was in Hants and it does evoke a certain quaint and quintessentially English image.... which it singularly fails to live up to....

Looks nice from a distance, but harbours some surprisingly inbred, monobrow sporting denizens.

If you thought Salisbury was that bad, there's a worse place nearby - Winterslow, just south of the A30 near Porton. Even the locals avoid it like the plague - you can hear the banjos tuning up as you approach the village, there are rumours that kids have been born there with webbed fingers & a really big clue is the fact that most people in the village have the same surname
Seriously though, Chapel can be the place to go if you like jailbait. When I did my NBCI's course in 2003, the entire course (all 50 of us) went to the Chapel for the end of course do. One enterprising chap (he shall remain nameless) picked up a rather large pie-snuffler & took her to a nearby car park to discuss Ugandan matters. The Chapel's CCTV cameras covered this car park & by watching the monitors at the bouncers' desk we were treated to the sight of him doing her doggy style over the bonnet of a car in glorious Technicolour, with his arrse going like a fiddler's elbow. Good sport that he was, he came back inside the club when he'd finished to great cheers from course & bouncers alike.
Happy days! If you thought the Chapel was a khazi, I'm reliably informed that Stickie's at Amesbury was worse.

Concur!

I work there so know exactly what you mean!

I survived a lengthy tour in the late 90's, although most of the contacts I had to endure took place in Amesbury, mainly in Stickies (Actually named the Coach House back then).

Churchills whas the main pit of scutter death in Salisbury back then, however the High Post (later Enzo's) halfway between Salisbury and Amesbury was yet another den of SCH heaven.

My pig-board, no doubt

Lets have some grid references then!

So I can avoid these horrid places.

I'm told by one who's lived in Amesbury for a long time that the reason Stickie's got its name was becuse the carpets in there were so sodden with beer & various bodily secretions, when you walked on them you used to stick to them & they squelched.
Chapel is in Brown St, Salisbury & seems these days to be known as The Warehouse. The kebab shop nearby is worth a warning; mate who was a Wilts copper once chased a burglar through there & said there were trays of raw meat on the floor gathering dust, insects & god knows what else. Yum yum.
But seriously, Salisbury is a veritable oasis after what I've left behind (Croydonia). Love it to death there.

When I was posted in Bulford back in the very early 80's Salisbury was a very quaint city indeed, so much so I bought a house in Alderbury just on the outskirts. So I shack up with a Salisbury local in MY house, go on Ops to Turkey, and come back to find she had been f*cking my supposed best friend and my house cleared out of all furniture, carpets, everything. So anyone of you, when out and about in Salisbury happen to meet a "female" named Tanya Anderson (as she was then) do me a favour, donkey punch the b*tch and tell her that was from a disgruntled ex Redcap.

I feel that story is a thread in itself.

Not been round Salisbury in a while, but can't believe it's worse than Swindon. However, for the more adventurous, try a night out in Yeovil.

Has someone suggested that Salisbury is worse than Swindon?

Oi! Its not that bad here, depending on which bit you go to of course

Now that my friend WAS a dump! The entire area is of dubious quality. I did a stint at LE(A) in Andover and some of the tarts there wouldn't have looked out of place in a Hammer House of Horrors film.

One of them used to wear a miniskirt with her legs on upside down - and trusssssst me I am not choosy but FFS

Edited once to add - and she was a GWAR as well!

Given your previous delight in atrocities I thought you would be pleased with finding such a rich hunting ground as the chapel. For my many many sins I have too often found myself in the chapel on a saturday, most recently two weeks ago (the horror, the horror). And to my everlasting shame I pretty much always stay until it closes. I should know better, having spent 3 years in London previously and having a veritable platter of clubs and bars to choose from. However, there is bugger all else in Salisbury and most of the decent totty (well reasonable looking anyway) tend to hang around there. Be warned though - at all costs avoid the chapel granny and the behemoth that was there two weeks ago. I work with the behemoth and having to see her gargantuan folds get increasingly bigger every day will shatter your morale.