Tell him you will go somewhere for a nice quite chat.
Arrive at a Boxing gym take him into the ring and throw him a pair of gloves,you putting on the other,Have a referre as well.
Dont take any explanation from him,drag him in the ring and tell him we will find out hard he is now he is sober.

If he refuses tell him you will leather him outside of the ring in some back alley and with no referee...after dropping him and him coming around tell if he ever shows disrespect,violence etc you will repeat this process..in ring or outside..his choice.

And after all boxing is a Army sport,so you are only preparing him for his future.
He might just get the message.

Or he might look up to Uncle Miner who just beat the crap out of him, and decide he wants to be just like him, only harder

This addresses the symptoms, not the cause, which is problem drinking.

msr

Same as this except I was 16 and it was my dad.

Same here too. My Mum joked with me about it last summer saying it had been a turning point etc etc. I told her I agreed but unfortunately her actions of yesteryear would come back to haunt her in the form of me choosing the cheapest and nastiest old folks home to spend the rest of her days in "Whats that Granny Farmboy, you don't like being bunjeed to a chair all day with only one meal"

It did wipe the smile off her face for a while. Only joking of course my Mum is the best, but it does make you think that as Kids the scope for revenge does come later in life....should you so choose

More than likely it is not. I know plenty of people who were like this and never grew out of it. It got worse for a few of them when they got that false sense of independence and indulgent self worth when getting to uni. Its a phase when they are 13 not 18, he is a young adult therefore should know his actions impact others around him and carry consequences.

As un-PC as it is these days, a bit of a kicking is the easiest way to take him down a few notches and take away all his privileges (house keys, driving lessons/car, lifts to a mates house etc). Or you could wait till he kicks off next time but call the police and get him in the cells over night and ask them to just do bad cop with extra effort to scare some sense into him. Ive seen both of these sort people out and ive seen them have no impact, just depends how special this little darling thinks he is.

The bottom line is, the sooner he is gripped the better for everybody but more so him in the long run.

You should point out that is offer of a place at Uni can be withdrawn if he's convicted of violent or sexual crime. No degree and worse, no chance at Sandhurst.

I know he's family and you feel an obligation under this sort of circumstance but I'm a great believer in letting life deal out retribution if you can. So long as he keeps his fists and attitude off your sister, let the big wide world do the kicking of living s*** out of him - the way he's headed it's a stone cold certainty.

If he touches her again, build a patio.

Edited to clarify potential consequences.

Last edited by smartascarrots on Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

Before you do anything, get his version of events. Sit with him somewhere where you won't be disturbed and there is no recourse to alcohol.

Be neutral and draw him out of himself, apply subtle pressure with body language, facial expressions and cold silences where you need to, but get him talking and keep him off balance.

Does he think that his behaviour is a problem, does he think that it is very wrong to abuse his mother and attack her husband, does he think that he has a drink problem, does he think that his career might be about to go down the toilet before it has begun, is it ok to scare his siblings and set them a bad example, if this is how he copes with the stress of exams and uni how will he cope with leading a PL in Afghanistan for half a year?

If he is glib or tries to rationalise it away or blame it on the drink, you have a problem on your hands and I would recommend a severe beating, followed by a glimpse of his own mortality and the stone certainty that if he harms your sister or neice his only chance is to find a painless way to commit suicide and do it fast..

If he is ashamed and thoughtful and worried, you have something to work with and may be able to help him. I hope you will be able to sit with him and have a long talk about how his life came to this moment and how it will progress from here.

But if he's just NFG - no firking good, you know what has to be done.

Hitting the weights hard, Change of character quite sudden.....any chance he could be on the steds?

Old mate of mine did this without telling anyone, was a completely different (bell-end) when on that shoit.

Other than that, make him afraid, and explain the usual facts of life as you see fit.

Stress does make people act out of character, but if he thinks that's 'stress', how is he going to cope in an evil sh*t-fight in Afghanistan or wherever, with a platoon of terrified squaddies expecting him to save them?

And that's if he gets to RMAS to begin with (which doesn't sound likely ATM), and then passes out (again unlikely, with that attitude)

Any DS worth his salt would turn him into a twitching wreck in a matter of hours at Sandhurst...'hard man' my arrse, there's always someone tougher than you. Like Terry Taliban, for example.

Bah! I my day, we had it TOUGH!

Your parents didn't let you have a puppy, did they?

I agree, unfortunately, it happened with my now-late sister, and I'm not as well adjusted as I'd like (although I've never been violent or been charged, even though I should have been)

Abusers breed abusers, it's that simple-and complex.

Have him come and stay with you for a couple of days and get to the root of the problem .

.....and feed him loads of beer so you can see his reactions yourself.

Good idea. Just as he starts getting tipsy start shadow boxing with him and doing the Ali shuffle and see what he does.

Sounds like his spent most of his life witnessing uneccessary levels of violence/abuse as a means of problem resolution at home. Threatening him, shouting at him or flattening him serves no purpose other than to reinforce the perceptions he's subconciously built up over the years. Try and gain his confidence and trust such that he believes you are genuinely willing to listen to him. If you can get him to start talking openly you have a chance to help him work through and understand what's going on in his head. It might help if you can take him out of his usual environment somewhere he can relax and open up - a camping trip is one idea.

As to the alcohol, explain to him that he can blame unacceptable behaviour on drink only once. After that it's entirely his responsibility if he knows how booze affects him yet chooses to indulge regardless.

For all that he's eighteen and may seem like an adult, he's still a child in many ways. Make some allowances for him as it seems you're probably the best chance he's got at the moment if he's to avoid going off the track.

Has the c*nt of a dad done somthing in the past to cause this, Hitting his is out of order but could it be mis directed anger, talk to him see what he says and if all else fails kick his cnut in, and for extra marks give the dad a slap.

give him a big kiss and a cwtch
that'll probably scare him more than anything else

and failing that maybe a shoeing is required
just to point out that there will always be someone bigger & tougher
and you never, ever, ever hit your mam unless you want serious pain in return

He thinks that getting beered up & kicking off is what adults do, the role model in his life did! Now he's 18 he's an adult, so has started doing what adults do!

Firstly get his mum, his dad, his brothers & sisters (as applicable) to write down how they saw him, what they thought & how the feel about him now. There's nothing lik seeing it in black & White to bring home the shame, he can't deny his behaviour when it's written there.

Then after he's read all that tell hike you're going for a walk, take him to the local DSS office & ask him what he thinks? Then explain that this is the kind of place he'll be coming to regularly if he gets a criminal record cos he can forget the degree & definatley RMAS.

Finally, show him the "SOLID C" bumph they give out in basic training now & ask him to explain what part of the British Army Values & Standards in front of him his actions the other night are in line with, as that's the kind of person he needs to be in the army!

Finally tell him that if he ever touches your sister again that you won't hit him, you won't beat him or even scare him because you are a real man so don't hurt your family because you don't hurt people you love. However you will personally take him to the old bill & end any chance he has of the future he's working hard to achieve.

If you use violence towards him, you're just reinforcing the impression he has from his childhood that violence is an acceptable resolution to any problem.